Night Terrors

Do you ever have those dreams that are incredibly realistic? I get them way too often. My poor roommate is always complaining about how I talk in my sleep. My roommate last year had to deal with me when I was having a ton of these dreams, and I would start throwing things in my sleep. I don’t really care that she had to deal with that though, she put me through enough that I’ll call us even. Anyway, last night I dreamt about something that has actually happened to me. I dreamt about the last time I donated blood. So a while back I posted about how if at all possible you should donate blood. A lot of people are “afraid of needles” and “can’t” donate blood, which I think is pretty much bs for a lot of people. Needles suck, I understand that, but if  you can be uncomfortable for 20 minutes, then you could save lives. When you donate money or time, you often don’t see the full effect of your volunteerism. However, when you donate blood, you know that that blood will save a life. It’s a tangible product of your volunteerism.

If you plan to donate blood someday, but are a little nervous, do not read this next paragraph!

Okay, so I faint when I donate blood. That’s a fact of my life. I still donate though because I don’t care that I faint if it means helping someone. But the last time I donated blood, I didn’t just faint. My entire body went into shock. It was so serious that if the nurse hadn’t gotten me back in control of my body, she was about to call an ambulance. That would’ve been embarrassing. The fainting is my own fault. I get really anxious around needles and also blood is being taken out of my body so I get woozy. Going into shock was absolutely not my fault! The blood drive was overfull. There were too many donors and not enough nurses. My nurse set me up with the needle in me and then went away to set up someone else. When you donate blood they give you a stress ball to squeeze so that the blood flows quicker. The nurse next to my station told me that my blood bag and extra 6 vials were full and that I should stop squeezing. I stopped and assumed that someone would come take out the needle. I was wrong. It took about 15 minutes before my nurse came back and took out the needle. In the meantime, every other nurse would tell me to stop squeezing because I was done, but no one took out the stupid needle! In order to take out the needle, the nurse first cuts the tube that the blood went into. When the nurse finally cut mine, I felt an extreme pain in my arm. It turns out the the needle kept trying to suck out my blood and it created a vacuum seal to my vein. Once the needle is out, you’re supposed to hold your arm vertically in the air, but my arm barely moved. The nurse raised my arm for me, and suddenly I felt like my fingers had gone to sleep. They tingled. The nurse asked if I was okay, and I said that my hands were asleep. I mean, that’s what I tried to say, but it came out all slurred. She asked me to squeeze her hand, but my body wouldn’t listen to what I was telling it to do. I was completely limp. My nurse started freaking out, which made me freak out more. She started lifting my legs and moving them in circles. This is something nurses always tell me to do while I’m passing out. She told me to cough like a smoker (another method to keep yourself from fainting). Finally I was able to gain motion in my toes, then my legs, then slowly my whole body. Meanwhile about three nurses had stopped what they were doing so they could be backup if needed. Anyway, moral of the story, I dreamt about that last night. Only the nurse was saying things she didn’t actually say, and she was a man in my dream. Other than that, it was a reenactment of that moment. I woke up feeling a little paralyzed, which is good because I probably would’ve been screaming if I didn’t feel paralyzed. I used to scream in my sleep when I was little.

So if you read that and are now scared to donate blood, I told you not to read it! I’m still going to donate blood even though I nearly went to the hospital because of it. Don’t be selfish, you’ve got enough blood in you. If you legitimately can’t donate blood because of height or weight restrictions or anything else, you’re off the hook. I can’t donate double red because I don’t weigh 160 and I’m not 5’5. I wish I could do double red though. But if you’re just “afraid of needles,” then suck it up! Save a life today!

-AcuteAnimosity

Secondary Characters

I’ve always felt this way, but lately it’s been a really present feeling. I feel like a secondary character in life. I’m the one meant to help give advice to the main character. I’m the one who helps the main character find out their purpose. The one who says “It’s not my destiny to do this, it’s yours.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I don’t mind it because that’s all I ever want to do in life is help people. This is a strong feeling for me lately in my love life. I’ve realized that I don’t think I’m meant to find “the one.” I’m not supposed to have a partner for life, what I’m supposed to do is show people who pick the wrong relationships, how they are should be treated. It’s happened to me so many times. I will start crushing on someone, they will like me back, and we will start a little romance thing. However, soon enough the fire dies down, and the person thanks me for being a positive force in their life. They tell me I’ve shown them what love should be like, but they just don’t love me anymore. I become a supportive friend who has made a difference in how they view themselves and their relationships. I’m never “the one.” Yeah yeah yeah, “but you’re too young to find the one, you have your whole life ahead of you.” Before you go comment that, this is just my own feeling. Maybe I will find my forever partner (most likely it will be a cat), and maybe this feeling I have is wrong. I can’t tell the future. I can only listen to my heart which is telling me that I was never meant to have “the one.” I could be wrong, but if I am right, I don’t think I mind.

What lead me to this conclusion, is that yesterday poem guy (I haven’t written about him in a long long long time) and I sort of broke up. We were never dating, but we loved each other and acted like a couple. It was just too hard to keep up a long distance relationship, and we were just too different. He would do so many of my pet peeves. For instance, he was a volunteer firefighter and he would text me something like

Him:”Sorry I took so long to respond , had a fire call”

Me: What happened is everyone okay?

Him: Signal 20

Me: Signal 20?

Him: Yeah

Me: What does that mean?

Him: Hold everything on scene

Me: Okay, what does it mean to hold everything on scene?

Him: Hold everything on scene

Me: Um okay then

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate when I do my best to show an actual interest in people’s lives and they just blow me off. Like, is it so hard to say that hold everything on scene means that you are on the scene and have your firetrucks there and are investigating, but it doesn’t seem like there’s a fire? There may be a fire, but you have to investigate and check everything before you declare it a false alarm. I found that out from another volunteer firefighter by the way because poem guy never bothered to explain. When people do that it makes me feel dumb, it also makes it seems like you don’t care that I want to know about your interests. He would do that all the time about fire calls, about him fixing up cars, about everything. He would say he loves how I’m interested in his hobbies, but then he would just assume I should know everything and refuse to explain. There were other pet peeves, but that’s the only one I feel like explaining.

So, the thing here is that once again, he told me all the time that I showed him what relationships should be like. He would tell me that I showed he how to be treated right. Now, with any hope, his next relationship won’t be a messy one. Ours wasn’t messy at all, we ended it in a mutual agreement, but it’s over. I’m a secondary character. I play a vital role, but I’m not the one to achieve anything great. It’s why I want to be a teacher. I want to help as many people as I can live up to their full potential. Some people are meant to be doctors, volunteers, policemen, and incredible things. Some people are meant to help those people reach the greatness they were meant for. I’m the latter, and that’s okay with me.

-AcuteAnimosity