Dream

Lately I’ve been having a lot of deja vu, I’m talking at least once a day. I get this almost out of body experience where all I can think is “I’m in college.” Suddenly I’m near having a panic attack because I can’t remember life before college. Then I’ll think about some high school moment I had, and I’m back in body. This has happened before. When I went from elementary to middle school, from middle school to high school, and now from high school to college I have gotten this deja vu. I’m not sure deja vu is the right word. It’s an incredibly interesting process that I feel occurring right now. This life is becoming my new, normal life. It’s no longer new or an adjustment, this is just all I know. I’ve noticed the shift in others too. First semester everyone would mostly talk about their high school days, and now no one talks about high school or their home friends much at all. All we know is college now. It makes me wonder if this is some sort of mild stockholm syndrome. This was completely new to all of us freshmen, and now it’s old news. It’s fascinating really, and I wonder if other people are aware of this happening to them, or if I just overthink enough to feel this happening. I don’t plan on becoming a psychologist, but I often have questions like this about people. How do people adjust, and do they feel the process happening? Maybe I’m just a little insane which is a very likely possibility.

I’m not sure why I wrote this little thing. I know it’s not a story like I’ve been promising, I’m trying my best though. Well have a nice day!

-AcuteAnimosity

Let’s Talk About Underwear

Hi guys! Let me quickly update you. I had a single room first semester because I am on substance free floor, and not enough people want to be on substance free floor so I got lucky. This semester I got Peggy. Peggy is my new roommate. She had issues with her old roommate, and was placed with me. Peggy has the best intentions. She is a super sweet girl, who really tries to be nice. Peggy is also a nightmare. The day she moved in, she moved all my stuff so that she could have 75% of the room. While she was moving in, if I told her I didn’t want to move something that I owned she would say “Oh don’t worry, I’ll help you move it!” Everything I own is either in my desk, under my bed, or in my closet. Meanwhile, dearest Peggy has under her bed, any free space, her closet, and her desk. That doesn’t sound like much, but I mean she has filled any free spot with stuff. This girl has more stuff than anyone I know. She had a clear box (the kind you use for Christmas decorations) and I asked what was in the box. She said it was her “extra stuff in case she runs out of anything.” She has three of those huge boxes filled with extra stuff. She has two extra standing organizers filled with clothes, a full closet, an overflowing dresser, and the top of her desk has so much stuff on it that she can’t fit her laptop on it to do work. Darling Peggy also likes to keep the room cold.  I mean so cold that I wear my winter coat to bed along with fuzzy socks and four blankets. When I close the window, she opens it for “a little air circulation, it won’t even get cold.” I literally shiver in my own room. She also broke the lock on our door because she didn’t want to have to take her keys to the bathroom. She didn’t even tell me she broke it. I just came back to an unlocked door. Then she told me that I broke the lock. Well dear Peggy, it was locked and working when I had left for the day and it was broken when I came back. So she is a little selfish in this way. She doesn’t mean to take up all the space or freeze me or break our door or have a million things, but she does. She just doesn’t think about others because her comfort comes first.

When it came to the door issue, I politely asked her to just keep the door locked. She said that she doesn’t want to bring her key to the bathroom. I finally had to tell her that I have PTSD and if she doesn’t keep the door locked, I will be having constant panic attacks. Finally that got her to just take her stupid key to the bathroom. She’s pretty airheaded too. So when she broke our door she emailed the person who fixes it and asked if they could come. That person asked her what time she would be in her room on Monday and Peggy said 2:30. Peggy didn’t tell me any of that. 2:30 on Monday rolled around and I was alone in the dorm when some guy knocked on our door. When I asked Peggy if he knew he was coming she said “I had no clue, they just asked me what time I would be back on Monday.” Obviously the guy was coming Monday, some time after 2:30, but Paige went out to eat and didn’t tell me he was coming. It’s a good thing I was there or he wouldn’t have been able to fix our room because one of us has to present when they work on the dorms. This also happened when she broke her dresser.

The last thing about Peggy is that she is well, no sugar coating this, extremely disgusting. Don’t believe me? Ask the three half-full bottles of milk that are spoiled and sitting on top of her desk right behind me. Still don’t believe? Ask the pile of DIRTY, USED PANTIES SITTING ON TOP OF HER DRESSER RIGHT NEXT TO MY DESK. She has a dirty clothes hamper. She uses it for everything but underwear and dirty socks. If case you were wondering, Peggy likes lacy thongs in pink and purple. Oddly enough we both have the same purple lace thong 😉 . I WISH THAT I DIDN’T KNOW THAT BUT I DO BECAUSE IT IS DIRECTLY TO MY LEFT ON TOP OF A PILE OF USED THONGS. It is strange though because I only have one thong, I’m more of a boy-shorts with cute sayings on the butt kind of girl if you know what I mean 😉 . Just in general Peggy has crap everywhere. She has clothes, food, dirty dishes, and books everywhere.

She has the best intentions, she really does. Nevertheless, it’s slowly killing me. I am just counting the days until I can move in with my friend Melody. Melody, Madison, Jenny, and I are getting a suite next year, and I so can’t wait. Before any of you mention Mandy and say “Do you wish you let her move into your room?” Heeeeeeeccccckkkkk nooooooooooo. Peggy isn’t a friend so I have nothing to lose with her. She’s just a girl that one day all I’ll do is wave to her when she passes by. Such is life. Until next time! (I’m working on that story, I promise).

-AcuteAnimosity

Friends

I apologize, there’s no story or poem in this post, so if that’s what you’re looking for, I promise to get a new one soon! What I want to talk about today is some more college things. Specifically college friends.

Basically when you get to college you are freaking out. Everyone is a bit of a hot mess when they get to college as a freshman. The biggest worry (for those going to a college where few to no friends attend) is friends. You worry about keeping your high school friends, making college friends, and finding people who are best friends. It actually isn’t too hard to make friends at college. You literally just have to jump into a group, which isn’t the easiest, but if you go to one meet up thing you will find other lonely people. That’s how I ended up with Jenny and Madison.What is hard, is finding best friends. I love Madison and Jenny to death. They are both beautiful people inside and out, but sometimes I feel like they connect with each other more than they do with me. They always include me, but they like the same tv shows, they love tumblr, they are just very alike. They have so many things to talk about regarding the things they like, but they don’t exactly share the same likes as me. Which is great! Having diverse friends is so important, but I want someone who I can talk to about the things I love. I know they would both listen to anything I had to say, but it wouldn’t be a two-way conversation. I want to talk about musicals and singing and writing and hockey and League of Legends and Game of Thrones and snowmobiling and so much more. They would listen to me until their ears bled but it wouldn’t be a real conversation. I know this because I listen to them talk about Steven Universe and their interests, and I am never able to contribute much to those chats. I also need to find someone with a similar walk of life. The three of us look identical if you look superficially. We are middle class, white, female, from the same state. However, both Jenny and Madison have parents who are still together. In fact, I have yet to meet any other kids with divorced parents here. That’s a big part of who I am. Sometimes I need to talk about it. About my step brothers, my half brother, my step momster, about all these things that they really don’t understand. Again, they would be there for me in a heart beat if I told the I needed to get these things off my chest, but it isn’t the same. Finding your best friend in college can be hard. I’m still learning how to, but I’m not giving up. I have four years to find the people who will be my friends for life.

Okay, I want to jump ship completely and talk about high school friends. It’s very very very difficult to keep up with them. They all have gone to different places and are trying to meet new friends and find a balance in this new life, but just letting them go is wrong. My main high school group still have a group chat together, although it is slow and we don’t talk every day. We are trying to still be a part of one another’s lives. We saw each other over break, and we are making plans for next break. It’s important to have people back home.

I seriously went into this post full-steam, but now I’m tired. Such is the life of a college student I guess. I will try to post more. Also, there are no views on my last post “Battles” I worked really really hard on that one guys. It would mean the world to me if you checked it out and left some thoughts on it. Thank you guys!

-AcuteAnimosity

College Confessions

Okay guys, I think this is important, especially for any people who are planning on attending a college in the near future. I want to tell you all about college, the good, the bad, the magical, the ugly. Here goes

• There is so much yummy, junky food (pizza!), eat a vegetable now and then so you don’t feel sick.
• You might not be best friends with your roommate, it’s okay, you’ll make other friends. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible, you can still be nice with your roommate though.
• There are going to be so many attractive people, try not to drool. Also, you are one of those attractive people! DOn’t beat yourself up if you don’t look like every other pretty girl/guy there.
• There’s a club for literally everything. Do not try to join all of them. Join one or maybe two clubs first semester and work from there.
• For goodness sakes, be comfortable walking alone. You can’t be surrounded by people 24/7. Walk to class alone, put in earbuds, and just enjoy how pretty campus is. It isn’t healthy to never ever be alone.
• Don’t barricade yourself in your room! (I’m struggling with this one) Go out with friends. Go to the silly school events now and again. You might have a great time, you might meet your best friend. You won’t do that just sitting alone in your room.
• Every free second is good for reading. Always carry a school book with you because you might end up early for something, get that homework done!
• The first friend you make, might not be your best friend forever. That’s okay!
• It might take you a while to find your people. It happens, but you will find them.
• Don’t party excessively. Take it easy.
• When you first get to college, it can feel like your high school friends don’t care anymore. They do, I promise! They are going through the same thing as you right now, believe me, come vacation time, you guys will reconnect.
• It can feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to the first few weeks. Something might happen, like a death in the family, or something else not good. It feels like you can’t really talk to your friends yet because you haven’t known them long enough. Give your mom or dad or someone home a call if you need to talk and can’t. Also, RAs will talk to you! They are there to help you and be your friend.
• Make. Your. Bed. Everyday. You will feel so much better after a long stressful day if you come home to a neat looking room. A messy room after a bad day will only make you feel worse.
• Cool it with the caffeine. You actually do need some sleep now and then.
• Don’t feel bad for dressing nicely everyday. If that is what makes you confident, then wear that dress! Also, don’t feel bad if you go to class in your pjs, no one actually cares. If anything, they wish they were in their pjs too.
• Everyone wears shirts and pants and sweatshirts and everything with their college name on it. Trust me, you won’t look like a dork.
• Bring a stuffed animal and/or body pillow. Just do it, it will come in handy some day when you need a good hug and cry.
• Everyone cries, everyone.
• Don’t feel bad when people have to ask you your name, major, and where you’re from a million times. It’s easy to forget. You’ll end up asking it too.
• Fundecided is okay! College is the time to figure out what you want to do and who you want to be.
• Talk! To! Your! Advisor!
• Not everyone is having sex or hooking up with a lot of people, you don’t have to. Also, it’s okay to have sex or hook up with people (with consent)! Do what makes you happy and what you are ready for.
• It’s okay to not be a party person, seriously, you don’t have to drink or smoke or do anything you don’t want to do.
• There are so many resources available for you. If, God forbid, something happens to you, get help. Future you will thank you for it. ❤
• Ask questions, be curious, try something new, be a little bit selfish, be a bit weird and crazy. This is your time to do things for you!
• Lastly, have fun! Not every moment will be perfect so don’t expect that, but make the most of this time. I’m not going to say these will be the best years of your life, because frankly that’s so stupid, but I will say that you can have an amazing college experience. Life, and college, is what you make of it. Choose to make it beautiful.

-AcuteAnimosity

Musical Theater Club

Okay! I am starting this post before I go to my first Musical Theater Club meeting. I’m super duper nervous to say the least. I can’t wait to find out what musical numbers I’m in though. I don’t want to say too much because I’m not too sure what exactly is going to happen. Alrighty, stopping here, be back soon!

I’m a little late! Musical Theater Club let out about two hours ago, but I really just didn’t know what to say. Everyone there was super awesome, they went over stuff for us new kids and then they called numbers. Everything is student run in this club. So the kids who have been in the club the longest get to ask to direct numbers first. There are 6 available spots for open numbers, 2 spots for open girl numbers, and 2 spots for open guy numbers. The rest are closed numbers that you have to be casted in. We ended up with 4 opens, 2 girl opens, and 2 guy opens. There were a bunch of closed numbers. Next what happens is all of us who want to be in the closed numbers have to sign up online, and then the student directors just pick us. Confusing right?

Anyway, I’m still excited. This was short, sorry. I’m headed to bed though. Good night all!

-AcuteAnimosity

 

Adjusted?

I’ve only been through one week of college, and strangely enough it feels like I’ve been here my whole life. It feels like this is just essentially my normal and has been for a while. It’s hard to imagine that walking through the high school halls wasn’t a completely different life. I barely know six people on campus, but it just feels like I’m used to this. Crying over a textbook for the first time feels more like the millionth time. Nothing here feels incredible novel to me. I’m not sure if that means I’m adjusting well or what, but I’m not too concerned.

Anyway, let me update you all. I have three main friends. Jenny, Madison, and Jerry. Jenny, Madison and I are all friends. We see each other a lot, and we regularly go to dinner and events together. We all live in the same building and on the same floor. It’s a pretty good friendship, though I feel like it has an expiration date. We all are interested in clubs, and once those start I think our friendship won’t be as strong due to the increased friend group to choose from. Nevertheless, I’m very happy to have them as friends, and I do hope the friendship doesn’t expire because they are both really nice and fun.

I’m not too sure about Jerry. I met him at a club interest meeting, and ever since he texts me randomly to get food. We go out to eat, and then we both go back to our respective dorm halls. It’s nice to have another person to go out with at the very least.

To be honest, I’ve found that since I’ve come to college I’ve become really close with an online friend of mine. We’ve been friends for almost a year now, but I was never that close to him. Sure, I thought he was funny, and really good at video games, but I honestly thought he didn’t notice me much. I’m not sure how much I’ve told all you guys, but I play a couple of online video games with a group of friends I met on a minecraft server. Originally I was friends with some toxic people, once they screwed me over, I became really good friends with the staff of the server. The admin is a pretty cool dude, and we talk sometimes, but mostly I was really good friends with some mods. What happened was I became good friends with one mod, and he introduced me to his friends. To be honest the original mod I was friends with is a bit annoying sometimes. He’s a great guy, and we were super close for a time, but now I suddenly became really close to one of the people he introduced me to. I’ll call this person Danny. Danny is the funny guy I thought paid no attention to me. Lately we talk a lot, and it’s really nice. I know I’ll probably never meet him in real life, but he’s a great friend to have. He’s helped me not lose my mind a few times since I’ve come to college even though he doesn’t know that. I don’t know. We talk basically every day. It’s been a pretty important friendship to me because he was friends with me before I went to college, and he’s still my friend now that I’m in college. Because I had divorced parents there weren’t a lot of constant people in my life. My dad would date new women, and just as I became friends with their kids, he’d end the relationship. Every other weekend I was shuffled off to my dad’s house, and I couldn’t really rely on him. I went to so many different dance schools, theater companies, sports teams, and such as a kid that I never had permanent friends. I just lost almost all my high school friends but the fact that he’s still around, it’s so nice. Unfortunately it could also screw me over because he’s an online friend with no attachment to me, so he could just disappear some day. That probably would hurt like a lot. Nevertheless, for now we can be weird and say stupid things and just play video games. It’s nice, and it makes me happy.

Alrighty, this is making me sad at this point so here’s some good news. The meeting I met Jerry at was for Musical Theater Club. You had to try out for that club, and after trying out, I made it in! I’m so excited for the first official meeting. Every semester they put on a show comprised of different musical numbers from various musicals. I can’t wait to be invested in a musical community again. I think it will be healthy for me, and I’ll make new friends.

This was a huge post haha. I’m done for now, I really do need to get on top of writing a new poem though. I haven’t written anything new in the longest time. Until next time

-AcuteAnimosity