You

You make me

Close my eyes

Tilt back my head

And let the laughter

Spill out of my mouth

You make my

Arms ache and

Tense with the need

To reach for you

To become one half

Of a whole

You make me

Listen to old songs

And feel the words

Like I’m hearing them

For the first time

You make me

Choreograph intricate

Ballroom dances

In the kitchen

My socks gliding

Against the hardwood

You make my

Fingertips tremor

Just centimeters from

Your lips

Pink and soft and

Kissing me and

You make me

Love the lazy

Ceiling fan ticking away

Above my head

Love the sun

When it pierces my eyes

As I try to look up

Into yours

Love the breaths

In between words

Love the silence

Love the sneaking

In hallways

In living rooms

In secret

Sneaking gentle

Touches, you against me

Us together

Painting each others’

Skin with red

You make me

Love the life

I resented

You make me

Grateful that each

Hardship lead to you

You make me

Happy with the simplicity

Of smiles, of closing my eyes

Tilting my head back

And letting the laughter

Spill out of my mouth

Most of all

You make me yours

 

-AcuteAnimosity

 

Sorry!

I realized that I left you guys with a pretty raw and sad poem. Jeez, I think it’s been months since I’ve posted. Okay, so I have two really amazing poem ideas that I just can’t seem to figure out where I want to go with. So, there’s no poem with this, but I will update you guys.

I graduated high school

Okay, again, I graduated high school.

I’ve been blogging since I was in middle school, and now I am a graduate blogger. It’s surreal (for lack of ability to explain). I’m going to college in August. It’s insane. I’ve wanted to go to college since I was in kindergarten. No joke either, I have actually been working hard in school for the sole purpose of going to college since kindergarten. I remember my mom sitting me down one day when I was in kindergarten and saying “Listen, if you want to be a teacher you have to go to college. You aren’t going to get into college without good grades so you better start working hard. I know you’re more than smart enough to do it, but you have to actually try.” Every since I’ve been  Pushing myself harder and harder to have perfect grades. I graduated with National Honor Society and as a part of National Society for High School Scholars. Not only that, but guys this is important so listen up, I gave a speech at my graduation.

You heard me right, I gave a commencement speech. 400 students in my class and only 3 were able to give speeches. The Class president gives one, and two are up for grabs. Out of all the people who submitted speeches, and we are talking about class treasurer, the top ranked kid in out class, extremely popular and sporty kids, and kids who actually text our principal, I was chosen. At first a lot of people were livid. I’m just some nobody. This year though, I became somebody. I didn’t even see it happening. This year I was chosen for not one but two prestigious choirs in my area, I was in a traveling musical to teach kids about bullying, I got a lead role in our school musical, I was the editor-in-chief of our school blog, I sung the national anthem at homecoming, and I gave a speech at my graduation. A lot of people felt I didn’t deserve to give that speech. They thought they could’ve given a better one or that someone more popular should have given it. All that was before I stood center stage in my cap and gown to give my speech.

Once I started to speak, it was like I was holding the hand of every single person in my class. I spoke words that no one could deny. I mentioned every kid individually without even saying a single name. I gave a speech that made people laugh, cry, and think. I made people look past who was speaking and genuinely hear what I was saying. I said what everyone was thinking, but no one was saying. I talked about fear and love, I talked about not knowing what was going to happen and how that is okay. I looked my best friend in the eye and told her how much I loved her, while helping everyone else tell their best friend the same thing. My speech wasn’t about me. It was about every kid in my class individually and collectively. The outcome of my speech was incredible.

People I didn’t even know rushed up to me. My family, my friends, my enemies, and perfect strangers hugged me and wanted to tell me how my speech touched them. The number one ranked kid in my class told me they were so glad that my speech was chosen over theirs because they couldn’t stop crying through my speech. The video of my speech was plastered all over Facebook and people commented about how they wished they had that speech at their graduation and how it was the best speech of the night and how my speech was the only one they could remember from the night.

I’m sure there was some kid in the audience who hated my speech. I even said that during my speech, but the majority reaction that my speech caused was overwhelming. It was everything I wanted to accomplish with that speech. I say it was my speech, but really it was the class of 2016’s speech. It belongs to every graduate this year. I know that in reality, my speech hasn’t gone viral, it hasn’t changed thousands of lives, but it’s stuck in the few hundred minds that have heard it. That’s incredible. I never thought that my speech would even be chosen. After all, who was I? But it turns out that no one could’ve given that speech like I did. The other kid chosen to give a speech was a wildly popular kid. The class president was also wildly popular, but they are the minority. Kids like me are the vast majority in high school. I don’t mean kids who love to write and sing, I mean kids who feel like cellophane stuck to the lockers in the hallway. I gave that speech like it was the last thing I would ever do, and it vibrated in the hearts of my audience. It bounced from person to person, a melody that was sticking in their heads. I did something that no one can take away from me. I’ve never been so proud of my either.

I’m going to college to become a teacher, and I gave a speech at my graduation. I’ve accomplished two dreams, one I’ve had forever, and one I never knew I dreamed of until it had already come true. That’s incredible. If I can do it, so can you, so can anyone. I know this is shamefully cliche, but guys, go for your dreams. You can do anything. Love you guys, till next time,

-AcuteAnimosity

Happy

I don’t like being happy, but I can’t help it. Happiness has always felt so fake to me. Like it’s just a curtain waiting to drop at any moment. The weirdest thing though, is that I have so much happiness and love to give to people, but I don’t like receiving any back. I’ve been told a hundred times over that I deserve to be happy and loved, but I can’t find a reason to be loved. Don’t get me wrong, this post isn’t me waving a white flag and confessing my depression. I’m not depressed, I just don’t like feeling too happy. It makes me nervous, and I’ve been told that I can’t think like that, but I can’t really help thinking like that. If I were to be quite honest, my happiest moments in life are almost all followed by the worst moments in my life. It’s nothing that I’m here to gripe about, it’s just that being too happy feels false to me. It feels like a set up. So I do anything I can to make others happy. I guess if I feel like I am using my joy to give a bit of comfort and happiness to others, I’ve at least used my fake happiness to do some good while I had it.

I can’t stress enough that I’m not depressed. I just don’t feel comfortable being too happy. I like feeling a bit neutral if I’m honest. I will always fake happiness however. I do that so others will be affected by my happiness and be happy too. A bit of social learning. Which is weird. I like to be faking my happiness more than I like having real happiness. People call me too nice or noble or kind, people call me lots of things for this, but really I’m none of those things. I’m just a person. I don’t try to act better than anyone else, I just live my life how I’ve always done so.

Recently I learned something cool in psychology. You’ve heard of narcissists, but did you know there are co narcissists? Co narcissists have next to no self confidence. They blame themselves for everything thing that happens. They constantly try to please everyone around them, but would feel too guilty to accept anything in return. When a co narcissist and a narcissist become friends or are somehow paired up, it is a really toxic relationship. The co narcissist gives the narcissist all the attention and admiration they desire, while the narcissist puts down the co narcissist like they feel they deserve. That may actually seem like a pretty good deal, each party gets what they want. However, what each party wants isn’t good. Since learning about this, all my friends call me a co narcissist. Maybe they are right. I don’t think it’s such a bad thing to be. I really like making everyone else happy. It’s what I enjoy doing.

Co narcissist or not, I try to make others happy for nothing in return. That’s how I feel it should work. People should want other people to feel good, not because it would benefit themselves, but because it’s just a good thing to want. Seeing other people happy, is just a really nice thing to see. That’s just how I feel about it though.

-AcuteAnimosity

Stupid Facebook Thing

So I saw this dumb challenge on Facebook and said “wow that’s so dumb” and then I wondered how I would do. So here I am doing this dumb challenge thing. I’m doing it here because I’m too self-conscious to do it on Facebook. But maybe you all can relate to my answers or something I don’t know haha. Here goes nothing.
[Y] You have a boyfriend/girlfriend
[Y] You have your own room
[Y] You own a cell phone
[Y] You have an iPod/MP3 player
[N] Your parents are still married
[Y] You have more than two friends
[N] There is a swimming pool in your backyard (lol I don’t have a back or front yard, apartment girl over here.)
TOTAL: 5

[Y] You dress how you want to
[Y] You hang out with friends more than once a week
[N] There’s a computer/laptop in your room
[N] You have never been beaten up
[N] You never cry more than twice a month
[Y] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to
[Y] Your room is big enough for you
TOTAL: 4

[Y] You have more than 50 friends on Facebook
[Y] Your parents let you have a Facebook account
[N] You get allowance
[Y] You collect normal things (Snowglobes)
[N] You look forward to go to school (eh sometimes)
[N] You don’t wish you were someone else
[N] You play a sport
[Y] You do something after school
TOTAL: 3

[N] You own a car
[N] You usually don’t fight with your parents
[N] You are happy with your appearance
[N] You aren’t self-conscious at all
[N] You have never got a failing grade in your life (ONCE ONLY ONCE)
[Y] You have friends
TOTAL: 1

[Y] You know what is going on in the world
[Y] You care about so many people
[Y] You are happy with your life(Eh)
[Y] You know more than one language (Trilingual)
[N] You own a pet
[Y] You know the words of 5 songs or more (5 songs? bahahaha try 5 million)
[N] You don’t have any enemies
[Y] You are always nice.(I try to be)
TOTAL:5

Now count your total and multiply by three.
TOTAL 54%

Well that made me feel awful about my life O.O

Anywayyyy sorry I haven’t posted a lot lately. I’ve been busy doing stuff and things. I still love you guys though. I will attempt to post more I promise.

-AcuteAnimosity