I’ve always felt this way, but lately it’s been a really present feeling. I feel like a secondary character in life. I’m the one meant to help give advice to the main character. I’m the one who helps the main character find out their purpose. The one who says “It’s not my destiny to do this, it’s yours.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I don’t mind it because that’s all I ever want to do in life is help people. This is a strong feeling for me lately in my love life. I’ve realized that I don’t think I’m meant to find “the one.” I’m not supposed to have a partner for life, what I’m supposed to do is show people who pick the wrong relationships, how they are should be treated. It’s happened to me so many times. I will start crushing on someone, they will like me back, and we will start a little romance thing. However, soon enough the fire dies down, and the person thanks me for being a positive force in their life. They tell me I’ve shown them what love should be like, but they just don’t love me anymore. I become a supportive friend who has made a difference in how they view themselves and their relationships. I’m never “the one.” Yeah yeah yeah, “but you’re too young to find the one, you have your whole life ahead of you.” Before you go comment that, this is just my own feeling. Maybe I will find my forever partner (most likely it will be a cat), and maybe this feeling I have is wrong. I can’t tell the future. I can only listen to my heart which is telling me that I was never meant to have “the one.” I could be wrong, but if I am right, I don’t think I mind.
What lead me to this conclusion, is that yesterday poem guy (I haven’t written about him in a long long long time) and I sort of broke up. We were never dating, but we loved each other and acted like a couple. It was just too hard to keep up a long distance relationship, and we were just too different. He would do so many of my pet peeves. For instance, he was a volunteer firefighter and he would text me something like
Him:”Sorry I took so long to respond , had a fire call”
Me: What happened is everyone okay?
Him: Signal 20
Me: Signal 20?
Him: Yeah
Me: What does that mean?
Him: Hold everything on scene
Me: Okay, what does it mean to hold everything on scene?
Him: Hold everything on scene
Me: Um okay then
I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate when I do my best to show an actual interest in people’s lives and they just blow me off. Like, is it so hard to say that hold everything on scene means that you are on the scene and have your firetrucks there and are investigating, but it doesn’t seem like there’s a fire? There may be a fire, but you have to investigate and check everything before you declare it a false alarm. I found that out from another volunteer firefighter by the way because poem guy never bothered to explain. When people do that it makes me feel dumb, it also makes it seems like you don’t care that I want to know about your interests. He would do that all the time about fire calls, about him fixing up cars, about everything. He would say he loves how I’m interested in his hobbies, but then he would just assume I should know everything and refuse to explain. There were other pet peeves, but that’s the only one I feel like explaining.
So, the thing here is that once again, he told me all the time that I showed him what relationships should be like. He would tell me that I showed he how to be treated right. Now, with any hope, his next relationship won’t be a messy one. Ours wasn’t messy at all, we ended it in a mutual agreement, but it’s over. I’m a secondary character. I play a vital role, but I’m not the one to achieve anything great. It’s why I want to be a teacher. I want to help as many people as I can live up to their full potential. Some people are meant to be doctors, volunteers, policemen, and incredible things. Some people are meant to help those people reach the greatness they were meant for. I’m the latter, and that’s okay with me.
-AcuteAnimosity
AcuteAnimosity 