Cant

Cant

It didn’t matter

The feeling came back

I can’t cuddle my cat

Or watch House Hunters

Or play Minecraft

Not even League of Legends

The feeling came back

And I can’t even lay

Back in bed

I don’t sink into

My matress anymore

I lay on top of the air

And I can’t do

Anything about it

I just don’t care

I don’t care enough

To talk to a friend

Or do that project

Or read that book

I have never

Ever wanted to care

So much, but

I can’t

I wanted to do something

Productive, I made myself

I finished a something

I’d been procrastinating

For weeks and

There was nothing

No pride, no relief

I didn’t care

I don’t care

I can’t even write

This poem

Because I set out

To describe to you

What this feeling is

But its greatest power

Is its ability

To make me forget

I don’t remember

Its name and

So I can’t  tell you

And the saddest part is

I used the word

“Can’t” seven times

But there’s nothing

I can do to fix

This poem

That would be lying

I won’t ever do that

So this is the truth

I can’t care

This feeling is back

And I don’t even care

Enough to count

Pill bottles or

Reach for a knife

Or even grab a fist

Full of hair to pull on

I can’t care

I would take the pain

Over this fog anyday

But I don’t

Have that choice

-AcuteAnimosity