Something New

A friend has encouraged me to post a short story of mine so um, yeah, here it is. The things in italics are song lyrics.

Girls like Us

          The trees blur as we fly. Our headlights clear our path and protect us like the Light of God. Laughter forces its way out of my throat and it burns my liquor stained insides. My eyes can see everything that’s ever happened on this backroad. I watch the sloppy, late night make out sessions that fog the windows of high schoolers’ crappy cars and the hippies smoking pot in their RVs. He looks at me with a smile that could make a sober girl drunk and flings his hand into my direction. I grasp it with any strength I have in my loose body.

We’ve broken our mirrors

Sunday morning is every day for all I care

And I’m not scared

Light my candles in a daze

Cause I’ve found God

The radio blares, but I don’t even hear it. I’m too busy listening to the sound of our breath as it accelerates in time with the car. He hears the music because his hand leaves a gaping hole in mine as he reaches for the dial. He flips it like a quarter and it lands on heads.

Nothing to prove and I’m bulletproof and

Know what I’m doing

The way we’re movin’ like introducing

Us to a new thing

I wanna savor, save it for later

The taste of flavor, ’cause I’m a taker

‘Cause I’m a giver, it’s only nature

I live for danger

I’m not sure if he’s driving slowly or if I’m living in slow motion, but it makes me feel warm like hit of crystal. It makes me crave more, so I reach back for my piece. He rewards me with another smile, he must’ve been feeling it too. I’m handed a lighter from the glovebox, and it isn’t long before I feel the heat of a first inhale. He holds his big hand out expectantly. This time I’m the one reaching for the radio. My hip glides across the dial while I hand him the light bulb-pipe and a kiss on his cheek.

We live where the war is raging

Chasing our crazy dreams

Hoping that the bridge won’t cave in

Tonight we let it all go free

He rubs my kiss off his face. I get sloppy when I’m high. He leans his head back and so do I. My head feels too heavy to keep balanced on my thin, purple neck. I flick open my passenger mirror and wince at the sudden light that assaults my bloodshot eyes. I look like hell. My charcoal eyeliner is pasted in a watercolor river down my face. I hadn’t realized I was crying.

But I don’t care what they say

I’m in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don’t know the truth

My heart’s crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding love

He keeps switching stations. He gets frustrated easily and the parties bring that out. Even mad, he’s my sun, and I can’t help but stare. He slurs something that sounds like “I love you babe,” and I melt. It’s the first song we listen too fully, and we croak out the lyrics, or at least the ones we remember. It’s beautiful, and everything is red and pink like the drug store discount isle on February 15th.

Feelin’ lit, feelin’ light, 2 AM summer night.

I don’t care, hand on the wheel, driving drunk, I’m doin’ my thing

Rollin the Midwest side and out livin’ my life getting’ out dreams

People told me slow my roll I’m screaming out f-

The next song starts and I slam the dial to turn it off. The silence devours the car. I hear him push the gas pedal down further. He hates the silence, especially during a high. He says people talk too much in the silence. I don’t hear it, but he’s always experienced life more fully that I have. He jerks the wheel to the left, and the car lurches in the same direction to catch up. I rush to the radio dial and give it a spin.

Gina dreams of running away

When she cries in the night

Tommy whispers,

“Baby, it’s okay, someday…”

His eyes are closed. I slap his face and in return I get a slap back. It’s only fair. I keep seeing her die. The girl at the party, but she was shooting more than we are. She was in so much pain, but I saw the smirks in her eyes. I pushed the corners of her mouth up to match. For a minute it was a mirror. Sirens stabbed the party, and I was running to the car. I never had the chance to find out her name. The sirens in my memory materialize. Our dream shatters. Red and blue blurs and melts in my vision. The colors drip down my makeup river, but we don’t slow down.

Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry

Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough

I don’t know why

Keep making me laugh

Let’s go get high

The road is long, we carry on

Try to have fun in the meantime

‘Cause you and I

We were born to die

I wonder if the officer can hear the music too. I hear each note like how Beethoven would listen to his own masterpieces if he could’ve been given a cochlear implant. I know what he’s doing. I sing with Lana Del Rey and hope that I’m saying the right words. I’ve never felt a song so deeply in my bones. I reach for his hand one last time as he drags the wheel to the right. All in the same second the road vanishes. It’s replaced by Mother Nature, she sends tree roots out to catch us. She wants to bring me home. The radio still plays while we race into the woods. My heart has never worked so fast, all this time and it turns out the greatest high is the one that death brings. Glass flies past my eyes and metal crunches on all sides of me. Warm blood flows freely from our still-intertwined hands. The radio has died, but so have I. I still hear the music, the songs my mother sang to me.

The day she died the neighbors came to snicker

“Well, that’s what comes from too much pills and liquor”

But when I saw her laid out like a Queen

She was the happiest corpse, I’d ever seen

What good’s permitting some prophet of doom

To wipe every smile away

Life is a cabaret, old chum

So come to the cabaret

I wonder if they will even tell her what’s become of her daughter. I wish I could tell her what waits behind the corner of death for girls like us, but there isn’t any time left. I hold the music in my child-like hands and wait.

 

 

Lithium Nirvana, Livin on a Prayer Bon Jovi, Dangerous Woman Arianna Grande, Light it Up Major Lazer, Bleeding Love Leona Lewis, Born to Die Lana Del Rey, Cabaret Liza Minnelli

That’s a list of the songs in the story (not in order). Okay so um, please tell me what you think of it. I didn’t plan on ever putting up any short stories, but if you guys like them, I have more that I can share.

-AcuteAnimosity

 

 

Sorry!

I realized that I left you guys with a pretty raw and sad poem. Jeez, I think it’s been months since I’ve posted. Okay, so I have two really amazing poem ideas that I just can’t seem to figure out where I want to go with. So, there’s no poem with this, but I will update you guys.

I graduated high school

Okay, again, I graduated high school.

I’ve been blogging since I was in middle school, and now I am a graduate blogger. It’s surreal (for lack of ability to explain). I’m going to college in August. It’s insane. I’ve wanted to go to college since I was in kindergarten. No joke either, I have actually been working hard in school for the sole purpose of going to college since kindergarten. I remember my mom sitting me down one day when I was in kindergarten and saying “Listen, if you want to be a teacher you have to go to college. You aren’t going to get into college without good grades so you better start working hard. I know you’re more than smart enough to do it, but you have to actually try.” Every since I’ve been  Pushing myself harder and harder to have perfect grades. I graduated with National Honor Society and as a part of National Society for High School Scholars. Not only that, but guys this is important so listen up, I gave a speech at my graduation.

You heard me right, I gave a commencement speech. 400 students in my class and only 3 were able to give speeches. The Class president gives one, and two are up for grabs. Out of all the people who submitted speeches, and we are talking about class treasurer, the top ranked kid in out class, extremely popular and sporty kids, and kids who actually text our principal, I was chosen. At first a lot of people were livid. I’m just some nobody. This year though, I became somebody. I didn’t even see it happening. This year I was chosen for not one but two prestigious choirs in my area, I was in a traveling musical to teach kids about bullying, I got a lead role in our school musical, I was the editor-in-chief of our school blog, I sung the national anthem at homecoming, and I gave a speech at my graduation. A lot of people felt I didn’t deserve to give that speech. They thought they could’ve given a better one or that someone more popular should have given it. All that was before I stood center stage in my cap and gown to give my speech.

Once I started to speak, it was like I was holding the hand of every single person in my class. I spoke words that no one could deny. I mentioned every kid individually without even saying a single name. I gave a speech that made people laugh, cry, and think. I made people look past who was speaking and genuinely hear what I was saying. I said what everyone was thinking, but no one was saying. I talked about fear and love, I talked about not knowing what was going to happen and how that is okay. I looked my best friend in the eye and told her how much I loved her, while helping everyone else tell their best friend the same thing. My speech wasn’t about me. It was about every kid in my class individually and collectively. The outcome of my speech was incredible.

People I didn’t even know rushed up to me. My family, my friends, my enemies, and perfect strangers hugged me and wanted to tell me how my speech touched them. The number one ranked kid in my class told me they were so glad that my speech was chosen over theirs because they couldn’t stop crying through my speech. The video of my speech was plastered all over Facebook and people commented about how they wished they had that speech at their graduation and how it was the best speech of the night and how my speech was the only one they could remember from the night.

I’m sure there was some kid in the audience who hated my speech. I even said that during my speech, but the majority reaction that my speech caused was overwhelming. It was everything I wanted to accomplish with that speech. I say it was my speech, but really it was the class of 2016’s speech. It belongs to every graduate this year. I know that in reality, my speech hasn’t gone viral, it hasn’t changed thousands of lives, but it’s stuck in the few hundred minds that have heard it. That’s incredible. I never thought that my speech would even be chosen. After all, who was I? But it turns out that no one could’ve given that speech like I did. The other kid chosen to give a speech was a wildly popular kid. The class president was also wildly popular, but they are the minority. Kids like me are the vast majority in high school. I don’t mean kids who love to write and sing, I mean kids who feel like cellophane stuck to the lockers in the hallway. I gave that speech like it was the last thing I would ever do, and it vibrated in the hearts of my audience. It bounced from person to person, a melody that was sticking in their heads. I did something that no one can take away from me. I’ve never been so proud of my either.

I’m going to college to become a teacher, and I gave a speech at my graduation. I’ve accomplished two dreams, one I’ve had forever, and one I never knew I dreamed of until it had already come true. That’s incredible. If I can do it, so can you, so can anyone. I know this is shamefully cliche, but guys, go for your dreams. You can do anything. Love you guys, till next time,

-AcuteAnimosity

Winging It!

Okay, so I decided that it was time for a new update, but I haven’t planned this out at all whatsoever. I’m winging it! Let’s see, mostly my life is MineCraft right now. I know, how cool am I? Well, there’s a server I love, and I am on it almost everyday because it is just so fun! When there isn’t drama that is. There’s plenty of that because it’s a bunch of random internet people, so that happens. Wow, this update sucks huh? I should stick to just posting poetry! However, I am not feeling very creative right now, so no live poeming this time, sorry. Ugh! Why is this so hard right now? I have a boring life, that’s why. Okay, I will leave for now, but I will return with a plan next time okay? Bye for now!

-AcuteAnimosity

Excitement!

Okay! I’m excited! So very excited! I have learned a few new tricks here on wordpress and I am very impressed with myself. I have a new little catch phrase “Because there’s a little hostility in us all!” I have new fonts, I have some new fancy features on a new sidebar (Milestone counter, follow button, follow by email, and a calendar), however I am most excited for my header picture! I have never ever in all my years of blogging been able to figure out pictures. So I never had any on my blog. Now that I have figures it out I went a bit crazy. I have more than one header picture. I have six! They are randomized so you never know which will appear at the top! I am ecstatic about this as you can clearly see! Also, I have a deal for all you out there reading this blog, if I get a decent amount of followers, comments, and likes on my blog I will buy the full, premium version of wordpress so that I can do even more awesome things for you guys. So follow, like, and comment if you want to see this teeny, tiny blog take flight (I had to stick a cliche in there). I do so hope you all force me to buy wordpress! Make me spend money on you guys! And with that, I’m out of here 😉

-AcuteAnimosity

Common Misconceptions About Introvets

I am an introvert, more specifically an INFJ (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging). It’s actually the rarest type, don’t I feel special. Anyway, today’s rant is about the misconceptions people have about introverts. The most common response I get when people find out that I’m an introvert is “what’s that?” To explain what an introvert is I have to explain its counterpart, the extrovert. People who are extroverts tend to be loud, generally cheerful, always in a group. Extroverts love to be with people. In fact, they feel anxious and unsettled when they are alone. This doesn’t mean that they can’t ever be alone, it just means that they mostly try to avoid solitude, but everyone needs alone time now and then. Now, introverts are different because instead of feeling yucky when they’re alone, they feel drained when they are around people too much. Introverts need recharge time. They need more solitude than extroverts. This doesn’t mean that introverts are loners who hate people. It just means that they need more down time. The second most popular comment I get is “But you aren’t shy.” Introverts aren’t all shy! It is more typical that a shyer person is an introvert, however an extrovert can be shy and an introvert can be outgoing! That being said, another misconception is that you have to be extroverted to be successful. No! Introverts can still be successful and have a lot of friends. You do not have to be extroverted in order to be well-liked or successful. One thing that makes people think that introverts are not successful in business or politics is that introverts have no taste for small talk. Unless you are talking to an introverted meteorologist, don’t comment on the weather. Introverts won’t be very chatty, unless you talk to them about something that really matters to them. Talk to an introvert about their passion, and you won’t be able to shut them up. Lastly, not all introverts are small, quiet kids who sit in the dark corner of the art room drawing and writing poetry. Believe it or not, some introverts don’t like art or English. Some like sports and want to be engineers! Basically the moral of this rant is, don’t judge someone based on whether they are an extrovert, introvert, or even ambivert (combination of the two). Everyone is different. Okay lovelies, it’s time for me to go to sleep. If you really would want to know more about this whole personality typing please comment saying that you want to talk more about it. I’ve researched these things pretty thoroughly because I think it is so cool. Alright, night!

-acuteanimosity

Friends

Some times I really hate having friends. I honestly didn’t used to have friends. For three years I didn’t have a single friend. Well I was mute for one of those years, so maybe that year shouldn’t count. Anyway, my friends all pretend to get along because I am the mutual friend that they all share. Now one has made another mad. That open the floodgates for every one to hate one another. All my friends want me to pick sides, and honestly I’m ready to become a recluse….. just kidding, but really it’s  awful having friends fight.

Anyway, I don’t have much else to say about that. I don’t really plan out what I’m going to write so sometimes I crash and burn like I did today. Okay so now that I’ve warned you about my inconsistency, let’s talk about another friend thing. I have this friend, let’s call him Christopher, and he is probably one of my best friends. He’s helped me with a lot in my life, but I’ve never really helped him. He is extremely private. I don’t know as much about him as he knows about me. That bothers me honestly. I am the friend that everyone comes to for advice and help. I never ask for help, but Christopher just makes me spill my guts out onto the floor over and over. He is way to easy to trust. It’s actually pretty scary how much I trust him with. You see I never tell anyone everything. I only ever tell people a little bit about me, never ever the full story. That’s too dangerous (can someone say trust issues?). So, I wish he would open up to me. I hate being the one who is needy. I’m a really independent person, I like to help people, not be helped.

I just realized that here I am telling you about these friends, but you have no way of remembering who is who. Okay, it’s been decided. I’m going to make a second page on my blog devoted to telling you who is who when in my writing. Well this post jumped all over the place, but at least I got one thing done! Alrighty, bye for now.

-acuteanimosity

Hello!

Okay, so I will confess something. This isn’t my first blog. I wrote on my first WordPress blog for five years. It was supposed to be anonymous, and I told people about it for whatever reason. Now I feel a tad uncomfortable writing my feelings there. So, because I’ve had a blog I know that when I talk to “you” I’m really talking to myself. An anonymous blog doesn’t usually gain many followers. Anyway, moving on. I’m a girl who feels acutely animistic about this whole life thing. So here’s where I will express my hostility toward the world and all its inhabitants. Today, let me talk about stupid girl stuff today. I don’t always complain about idiotic girl issues, but when I do they are cliche.

So I have this boyfriend. He’s pretty much perfect. The only problem is that I’m the worst girlfriend ever. My boyfriend, let’s call him Lewis, hates to dance. However, I love to dance. So I went to a Salsa Social that my friend invited me to. Lewis was okay with this because he trusts me. At this Salsa Social I danced with a ton of guys. Nothing romantic or anything, just some nice, fun dancing. So for one of the last dances I danced with this friend that brought me to the dance thing, let’s call him Philip. Well Philip is a really good ballroom dancer and I’ve been dancing for eleven years, so him and I were dancing really great together. However, it was a really romantic song. Pause here, you probably think I as unfaithful right? Wrong. We danced, and some how we got talking about our troubled pasts. He held me really close, and he told me that he despises how badly my past has affected me; he told me that I was a great person that didn’t deserve the things that have happened to me. We danced closely, and we danced amazingly. There were spins and shines and a ton of fancy things that made us look pretty cool. At the very end we were in a dance position called “close embrace” so my head was on his shoulder, and he kissed the top of my head. He doesn’t think that I noticed, but I did, and that small gesture meant something to me. I don’t know what it meant to me, however it meant something. Of course at the end of the dance we both awkwardly blushed and found new dance partners for the last dance (I danced with this really cute guy that didn’t really know what he was doing and it was adorable). Okay I know what you’re thinking, I’m a terrible person. I’m not though, I swear. When I call a guy cute, he’s an attractive person in my opinion, that doesn’t mean that I want to jump into his bed and leave my boyfriend. I just think he’s nice looking. A dance is just a dance, but that dance felt special. I don’t know how to describe it, therefore I’m sorry. There wasn’t much a point to this little anecdote. It was just a little intro to my life. Welcome.

-acuteanimosity