Let’s Talk About Underwear

Hi guys! Let me quickly update you. I had a single room first semester because I am on substance free floor, and not enough people want to be on substance free floor so I got lucky. This semester I got Peggy. Peggy is my new roommate. She had issues with her old roommate, and was placed with me. Peggy has the best intentions. She is a super sweet girl, who really tries to be nice. Peggy is also a nightmare. The day she moved in, she moved all my stuff so that she could have 75% of the room. While she was moving in, if I told her I didn’t want to move something that I owned she would say “Oh don’t worry, I’ll help you move it!” Everything I own is either in my desk, under my bed, or in my closet. Meanwhile, dearest Peggy has under her bed, any free space, her closet, and her desk. That doesn’t sound like much, but I mean she has filled any free spot with stuff. This girl has more stuff than anyone I know. She had a clear box (the kind you use for Christmas decorations) and I asked what was in the box. She said it was her “extra stuff in case she runs out of anything.” She has three of those huge boxes filled with extra stuff. She has two extra standing organizers filled with clothes, a full closet, an overflowing dresser, and the top of her desk has so much stuff on it that she can’t fit her laptop on it to do work. Darling Peggy also likes to keep the room cold.  I mean so cold that I wear my winter coat to bed along with fuzzy socks and four blankets. When I close the window, she opens it for “a little air circulation, it won’t even get cold.” I literally shiver in my own room. She also broke the lock on our door because she didn’t want to have to take her keys to the bathroom. She didn’t even tell me she broke it. I just came back to an unlocked door. Then she told me that I broke the lock. Well dear Peggy, it was locked and working when I had left for the day and it was broken when I came back. So she is a little selfish in this way. She doesn’t mean to take up all the space or freeze me or break our door or have a million things, but she does. She just doesn’t think about others because her comfort comes first.

When it came to the door issue, I politely asked her to just keep the door locked. She said that she doesn’t want to bring her key to the bathroom. I finally had to tell her that I have PTSD and if she doesn’t keep the door locked, I will be having constant panic attacks. Finally that got her to just take her stupid key to the bathroom. She’s pretty airheaded too. So when she broke our door she emailed the person who fixes it and asked if they could come. That person asked her what time she would be in her room on Monday and Peggy said 2:30. Peggy didn’t tell me any of that. 2:30 on Monday rolled around and I was alone in the dorm when some guy knocked on our door. When I asked Peggy if he knew he was coming she said “I had no clue, they just asked me what time I would be back on Monday.” Obviously the guy was coming Monday, some time after 2:30, but Paige went out to eat and didn’t tell me he was coming. It’s a good thing I was there or he wouldn’t have been able to fix our room because one of us has to present when they work on the dorms. This also happened when she broke her dresser.

The last thing about Peggy is that she is well, no sugar coating this, extremely disgusting. Don’t believe me? Ask the three half-full bottles of milk that are spoiled and sitting on top of her desk right behind me. Still don’t believe? Ask the pile of DIRTY, USED PANTIES SITTING ON TOP OF HER DRESSER RIGHT NEXT TO MY DESK. She has a dirty clothes hamper. She uses it for everything but underwear and dirty socks. If case you were wondering, Peggy likes lacy thongs in pink and purple. Oddly enough we both have the same purple lace thong 😉 . I WISH THAT I DIDN’T KNOW THAT BUT I DO BECAUSE IT IS DIRECTLY TO MY LEFT ON TOP OF A PILE OF USED THONGS. It is strange though because I only have one thong, I’m more of a boy-shorts with cute sayings on the butt kind of girl if you know what I mean 😉 . Just in general Peggy has crap everywhere. She has clothes, food, dirty dishes, and books everywhere.

She has the best intentions, she really does. Nevertheless, it’s slowly killing me. I am just counting the days until I can move in with my friend Melody. Melody, Madison, Jenny, and I are getting a suite next year, and I so can’t wait. Before any of you mention Mandy and say “Do you wish you let her move into your room?” Heeeeeeeccccckkkkk nooooooooooo. Peggy isn’t a friend so I have nothing to lose with her. She’s just a girl that one day all I’ll do is wave to her when she passes by. Such is life. Until next time! (I’m working on that story, I promise).

-AcuteAnimosity

The Importance of Silence

Who are you talking to right now? Are you on the phone with your mom? Maybe you’re texting your best friend. I can tell you I’m currently on discord with a bunch of online friends, and I’m messaging a friend on Facebook. It’s possible that you aren’t talking to anyone right now, but think about how often that happens. Usually there’s children or a spouse at home you talk to or a phone buzzing with messages from your boyfriend or friends. Recently I accidentally started a bit of an experiment. I no longer talk to someone everyday. This was by accident because poem guy and I are on the outs. We no longer talk everyday, every second of the day. Since this has happened I’ve gone through a range of feelings. At first I feel really disconnected. It was disorientating, and I felt really confused. I felt like I had to have my phone in my hand, and I started talking to people. I texted people I haven’t talked to in a while, but  conversations didn’t last long enough to feel normal. That’s when I realized that this was ridiculous. I should be able to sit alone for a couple hours without talking to anyone. I used to sit at home for hours and read book after book when I was a kid who didn’t have a phone. I should be able to sit and practice my juggling or knitting for an hour or two without feeling panicked because I have no one to talk to at the moment. Since I’ve started to enjoy my quiet time more, I’ve felt happier. I don’t feel the need to be texting someone at all times of the day. Instead I read, I knit, I juggle, I get homework done, and I just relax. I think that it’s beneficial to be alone sometimes. When you’re always talking to someone, you forget what it’s like to just worry about yourself for a moment or two. I challenge you to try it. Don’t talk to anyone for an hour or two a day, and during that time do something that makes you happy. Read a book, take a walk, write, or be productive. Set aside time to recharge and be alone. You’ll be glad you did.

Okay okay, here’s what you all really want. I am in the very beginning of the writing progress for a new story. By that I mean I have pictures. I see a blushing bride in head to toe lace and I also see a girl with a sword and an attitude. Two very different girls. As I write this, I’m thinking about how perfect it might be to combine their stories… Maybe. I am just in the conceptual stage of this short story, so don’t get too excited. On the poetry side of things, I’ve got exactly nothing. I’m much better at writing poetry after something terrible happens to me, so if you’re here for the poetry, sorry! Although, the majority of my followers joined after I posted my first or second shot story. That gives me the suspicion that you all are waiting for another. I’m working on it! Well, I have rehearsal so I will try to write soon (maybe I’ll even post that story next, probably not though).

-AcuteAnimosity

Short Little Poem

A Mid-Autumn Afternoon’s Dream

She doesn’t think outside the box

She merely peers out of

It’s windows

Not exactly walking on the

Cement pathway, but

Cutting corners here and there

Not often, just enough to feel

The grass through her toes

And to be seen on the

Other side of life

The side that breathes in

Liquid light and

Breathes out solid life

The side that perpetually lives

In that one inevitable

Flawless autumn morning

The leaves on fire, but still

Loosely hanging from their branch

A lithe wind cascading

Through girls’ hair

Tangible magic laced

Into the atmosphere

Like the ribbons of a ballet shoe

Crawling up a dancer’s legs

 

So I’ve been working on this poem for months, and I had a lot more to it. Nevertheless, after obsessing about finishing it, I realized it was already done. I don’t offer many explanations for my poems, but because this one is so short I’ll offer up a little about what was going on in my mind as I wrote it. For this poem I had two ideas that melted together. I had a line in my head “She breathes in light and breathes out life” which I added more detail to in this piece. I think I might still use the line in another, simpler poem. I also had this picture of a girl walking on a sidewalk but cutting the corners of the sidewalk at each turn so she could walk in the grass and feel connected to the earth. I had the idea to go further into this poem and talk about layering filters over life like an instagram photo until it looks perfect. However, I had created such a beautiful fall morning that it felt more like a saccharine dream rather than a false world that I could deconstruct. So that’s all this poem is, a dream. That’s where I came up with the title which is obviously a play off Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Yes, this is my second post of today. I have decided that without a person in my life that I need to be texting 24/7 I have more time to finish things. I am going through and clearing up my saved drafts on here. There may be more posts tonight or soon. See you later lovelies!

-AcuteAnimosity

 

Secondary Characters

I’ve always felt this way, but lately it’s been a really present feeling. I feel like a secondary character in life. I’m the one meant to help give advice to the main character. I’m the one who helps the main character find out their purpose. The one who says “It’s not my destiny to do this, it’s yours.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I don’t mind it because that’s all I ever want to do in life is help people. This is a strong feeling for me lately in my love life. I’ve realized that I don’t think I’m meant to find “the one.” I’m not supposed to have a partner for life, what I’m supposed to do is show people who pick the wrong relationships, how they are should be treated. It’s happened to me so many times. I will start crushing on someone, they will like me back, and we will start a little romance thing. However, soon enough the fire dies down, and the person thanks me for being a positive force in their life. They tell me I’ve shown them what love should be like, but they just don’t love me anymore. I become a supportive friend who has made a difference in how they view themselves and their relationships. I’m never “the one.” Yeah yeah yeah, “but you’re too young to find the one, you have your whole life ahead of you.” Before you go comment that, this is just my own feeling. Maybe I will find my forever partner (most likely it will be a cat), and maybe this feeling I have is wrong. I can’t tell the future. I can only listen to my heart which is telling me that I was never meant to have “the one.” I could be wrong, but if I am right, I don’t think I mind.

What lead me to this conclusion, is that yesterday poem guy (I haven’t written about him in a long long long time) and I sort of broke up. We were never dating, but we loved each other and acted like a couple. It was just too hard to keep up a long distance relationship, and we were just too different. He would do so many of my pet peeves. For instance, he was a volunteer firefighter and he would text me something like

Him:”Sorry I took so long to respond , had a fire call”

Me: What happened is everyone okay?

Him: Signal 20

Me: Signal 20?

Him: Yeah

Me: What does that mean?

Him: Hold everything on scene

Me: Okay, what does it mean to hold everything on scene?

Him: Hold everything on scene

Me: Um okay then

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate when I do my best to show an actual interest in people’s lives and they just blow me off. Like, is it so hard to say that hold everything on scene means that you are on the scene and have your firetrucks there and are investigating, but it doesn’t seem like there’s a fire? There may be a fire, but you have to investigate and check everything before you declare it a false alarm. I found that out from another volunteer firefighter by the way because poem guy never bothered to explain. When people do that it makes me feel dumb, it also makes it seems like you don’t care that I want to know about your interests. He would do that all the time about fire calls, about him fixing up cars, about everything. He would say he loves how I’m interested in his hobbies, but then he would just assume I should know everything and refuse to explain. There were other pet peeves, but that’s the only one I feel like explaining.

So, the thing here is that once again, he told me all the time that I showed him what relationships should be like. He would tell me that I showed he how to be treated right. Now, with any hope, his next relationship won’t be a messy one. Ours wasn’t messy at all, we ended it in a mutual agreement, but it’s over. I’m a secondary character. I play a vital role, but I’m not the one to achieve anything great. It’s why I want to be a teacher. I want to help as many people as I can live up to their full potential. Some people are meant to be doctors, volunteers, policemen, and incredible things. Some people are meant to help those people reach the greatness they were meant for. I’m the latter, and that’s okay with me.

-AcuteAnimosity