Skills

Writing, singing, dancing, juggling, and as of two days ago, knitting. These are what I consider my skills. However, I wasn’t great at any of them when I first started. I was awful at writing when I first decided to start writing poetry. I mean, I was truly awful. My words were way too blunt and repetitive and I had no flow. About a decade of writing later, and I am still learning, but I can control my words. I can shape pictures in people’s minds. I can make my words flow or not to create different effects. I worked for years before I was able to do any of that.

When it comes to singing, aside from relative pitch (I can sing back any pitch I hear), I was truly terrible. I had a weak, breathy voice and I had no confidence. Years of voice lessons and practicing later and I am nowhere near perfect, but I can do amazing things with my voice. Most importantly, I am confident with my voice. I sing whenever I get the chance. I started dancing when I was 3 years old and then took 12 years of lessons. I was no child prodigy nor am I very talented at dancing, but I can follow steps and fake it ’till I make it.

Juggling is one of my newest skills. A few months ago my friend started teaching me how to juggle and I spent hours and hours practicing until I could finally do it. I still don’t have any tricks down except normal juggling, but I’m working on it still every day.

Lastly, knitting. Two days ago I picked up two pencils and a ball of yarn and started teaching myself how to knit. Once I could cast on and do a simple knit stitch, I went out and bought myself knitting needles. I’m still working on my first project, a simple scarf, but it’s amazing to see how my first rows of knits were so sloppy. There are holes and it’s really loosely stitched together. Nevertheless, as I continue the piece, the rows are neater and you can see each knit nicely. It took hours of working with the pencils and hours of working with the needles, but I did the work and I am able to do simple knitting now.

Where am I going with this? Well, I am obviously trying to say that I work very hard to do the things that I can. Before I perform a song, I listen to it at least 50 times, and I sing it probably that many times too. I go through each phrase of the song and practice until I’m proud of it. However, lately people have been calling me perfect. They tell me how I am good at everything without even trying. They use me as a way to pity themselves. They say that they wish they were more like me. They wish they could just be good at everything. They don’t see how hard I work to achieve all that I have. They don’t notice how I put my everything into what I do. I started knitting because I wanted to create things. I wanted to be able to make things. My other skills are more performance, but with knitting I can make things. I have a small dream of knitting scarves and hats for the homeless. Maybe one day I’ll be able to.

I don’t want recognition for all my hard work. All I want is for people to see my hard work and realize that they could do that too. Instead, people see my finished products and say they could never do that. It’s so possible. If they want to learn how to sing they can practice, if they want to learn to juggle they can practice, if they want to knit they can practice! I started with pencils and extra yarn I found, but you can even use string. I want people to be inspired by me, not to feel the pity that they do. Even if I don’t inspire, I just want people to stop pitying themselves because of me. I know it isn’t just because of me, and that those people have deeper problems, but I wish they wouldn’t take them out on me. Anyway, that’s all I have for the day, Happy New Year loves!

-AcuteAnimosity

Neglect and Finals

I’ve neglected you guys, and I’m so sorry! Things have just been crazy. I had my Musical Theater Club performance, finals, and friend drama! So, go grab yourself some popcorn, it’s time for an update.

First off, Musical Theater Club’s show was amazing. We did such an incredible job and really put on quite the show. However, tech week nearly killed me. Every single night we rehearsed from 5:30pm to 3:00am. Yep, I was stumbling back to my dorm at 3am, not drunk, just sleep deprived. Honestly all that work paid off because we killed that show. It was amazing. Also, it paid off because I really got close to people in the club. I was friends with everyone before but it felt a bit like me vs them. It was like I was a part of the group, but not the family. Now, I’m a part of the family. I couldn’t be happier with all the friends I’ve made in the club. We are so close, and it’s just fun. Okay, that’s really all I had to say here, maybe one day I’ll update you all on the drama in the club, which I know about but don’t partake in.

Okay, finals time! I have taken two of my four finals this semester. I also have to write a final essay for my fifth class because he didn’t feel like giving us a final. I was too busy with tech week for Musical Theater Club to really worry about finals, but now that they’re here I’m going crazy! I am so nervous, but I’m sure I can make it through finals, mostly because I really want to go home. I miss my cat and my mom so so so much. I also can’t wait for a full month of no homework and tests!

Alright, now what I really need to talk about, friend drama. I have a few girls in my main friend group. Of course there’s Jenny and Madison, who are my two best friends,  but also have Mandy, Mary, and Melody. In case I’ve never told you, the fake names I use for everyone are based off the first letter of their real name. Yes, four of my main friends have names that start with M. It’s so confusing sometimes. Anyway, my problem is with Mandy. She wants to move out of her residence hall because she hates her roommate. The reason she hates her confuses me though. Mandy hates her roommate because her roommate leaves the room without telling her where she is going or when she’ll come back. That’s what I don’t understand. Mandy is not her roommate’s mom. It doesn’t matter that her roommate goes home over the weekends without telling Mandy. Mandy left a note for the RA that said that they should call the police because her roommate was missing. Her roommate felt sick so she went home and just didn’t tell Mandy. She also says that the girls in her hallway say mean things to her and about her, but does Mandy know that mean girls are everywhere? She thinks that moving to the residence hall that Jenny, Madison, and I live in will fix everything. She wants a roommate who will talk to her, and make her feel less lonely and depressed. I’m not sure if I told you guys, but I have a single room. I didn’t ask for one, but I got a single room. There was an odd number of students, and I’m the one who lucked out. So Mandy emailed the person in charge of my residence hall and asked to move in to the floor that I live on. After she got permission to move here, she asked if she could move into my room. Now I love all my friends, but Mandy and I have never seen eye to eye. We studied together one day in my room and she told me to not play my music in my room because she hates my type of music. We gave blood and I said that I hope I have O- blood like my step dad because then my blood would be really useful. She told me that I wasn’t related to my step dad. Well no really Mandy? I never knew that I wasn’t related to my step dad (Reread the last two sentences with even more sarcasm). She just always assumes that everyone else is an idiot compared to her. So I told her no, she can’t move into my room. I also emailed the person in charge of my building and told her I wouldn’t mind a transfer roommate in the spring, but I could not room with Mandy. It just would end really badly. The person in charge agreed with me, and now Mandy is desperately trying to get a roommate on our floor. She is temporarily living in another residence hall in her own room, with her own bathroom. We all asked why she doesn’t just stay there, but she said she needs a roommate. She honestly believes that a roommate will solve all her problems. That’s not how it works. So, she is talking to all the girls with singles on my floor (I no longer have the only single because some girls transferred or dropped out or moved to other buildings). However, now Mandy hates me. I don’t blame her, but I don’t blame me either because I did nothing wrong. Now she only talks to all of us in our friend group if she needs something. For instance four days ago she felt depressed and needed us to cheer her up, and last night she talked to us because she needed people to move all her stuff to her temporary dorm while she made her bed. Making her bed apparently took an hour and a half. I don’t hate Mandy, I want her to get better, but she needs to help herself rather than just look for people to solve her problems. Okay, that’s my rant. Thanks for reading, I will try to write more!

 

-AcuteAnimosity