College

I moved into my dorm yesterday. I was really scared the night before because I don’t have a roommate (don’t ask how or why, I wish I knew). Everyone knows that their roommate is their first friend. That’s the person they go down to dinner with and awkwardly chat with before they make their real friends. However, I’m all alone. Sothe night before I was sobbing. I cried so hard that the floor beneath me was actually wet with my tears. Nevertheless, I got up the next morning and went to college.

I didn’t cry at all on move in day, actually I was pretty calm. I made it through the day and found some people to sit with at dinner. The day actually got better as I was locked out of my dorm believe it or not. Without a roommate or my phone, one of the girls I sat with at dinner helped me. We called every single number we could find and no one answered. Finally we go walking around looking for a person who works for the college. That person tells us to call university police. We do, they come and open my dorm. Ten minutes later an RA comes to lecture me about how you shouldn’t call the police because you’re locked out. I explained that no one would answer and no RAs were in the building, but she didn’t care. Through all this though, that girl, who I will call Jenny, was with me. We talked about our old high schools and just messed around.

Jenny isn’t perfect, she claims to be introverted but man, she is LOUD. She was talking so much and so loudly that it was echoing in the hall, and I was afraid someone would be pissed at us for being so noisy. I also mentioned that she talks, all, the, time. However, she stayed with me the whole time I was locked out. She even walked all around campus with me looking for an official and was there when the police came.

Jenny and I stayed together until finally there was a scavenger hunt in our dorm. I teamed up with her, a girl from dinner, and a random girl who needed a team. I actually ended up really liking all these girls, we even came in third place for the scavenger hunt and got candy! We took the candy up to my room and played Cards Against Humanity (I won). Finally we all went to bed, but it was really fun. As I write this, I’m hoping one of them texts me because I don’t want to go to breakfast alone.

Despite how nervous I was about making friends, I did good my first day. I think I will be okay here. I’m excited and nervous and ready to be a college student. Until next time

-AcuteAnimosity

Headache

I wanted to write something today, especially since I’ve been writing so much the past few days. It felt really good to be back into the habit of writing at least 7 minutes everyday. However, my head is killing me. That’s nothing new, for some reason I’m just noticing it more today. I get a headache every single day. It happens at varying times and pains but everyday, I have at least one headache, sometimes more than one.

I have talked to my doctor about this, but of course he first asked if I was one my period (no joke, I was ready to kick him in the shins, also no, I was not on my period), and then he told me to just take pain meds every time I feel a headache come on. The amount of pain pills I would be taking if I did that would be a bit scary. If I can, I take 2 ibuprofens for headaches or 2 excedrins for migraines. It rarely helps though. If I’m getting maybe 2 headaches a day, that’s 4 ibuprofens, everyday. I don’t think that’s healthy.

My mom thought maybe it’s due to my allergy meds, I’ve been on them for years though so I doubt it. Then she asked if I wanted to talk to a social worker. Basically, no one will believe that maybe there’s just something wrong. Anyway, sorry that I am not writing anything creative today (even though I’ve gone months without posting before). Who knows? Maybe I’ll end up posting again today with something creative. I might just dig out an old poem and throw that up here. Until next time.

-AcuteAnimosity

Meaningless Poetry

So two years ago I took a workshop on poetry that means nothing. Too often poets stress themselves out trying to write the most poetic and deep and meaningful things. Nonsense poetry is actually really hard to write because you have to force yourself to not care. You can’t revise or worry over each detail. You just let the things you think go one the page. I can’t find any examples I like so I’m just going to write my own example for you. Here goes nothing and everything.

 

I’m addicted to coffee, of course, all poets are addicted to coffee. The creamer brightening the bitterness, the liquid touching my tongue, the soft thrumming in my head. My fingers stretch and shake. I’m an addict, but aren’t we all? Coffee and you and cinnamon gum and you and adrenaline and you and coffee. I’ve run out of creamer again.

 

Okay, I’m not the best at meaningless, nonsense poetry, but I tried. I think it’s pretty okay, I’ve wanted to write about coffee for a while now and couldn’t find a way to work it into my writing. This poem feels cliche, but whatever. As you can see he is in my thoughts again, but that’s okay. The point of this style of poetry is to just kind of spew words onto the page, and he’s what I thought of so I guess I did this right.

Anyway, the point of this was not to show how head over heels I am, the point was that not all poetry has to be deep. Poetry is whatever you want it to be. Meaningless poetry can be really good for the mind. Alright, get out there are write some meaningless poetry!

-AcuteAnimosity

Getting to Know Each Other

So I’ve been posting alot lately, and I saw this thing on Facebook and thought it was stupid so I decided to do it here. This is the second time I’m doing something like this, and I think it will help you guys learn a little bit more behind the poet. I’m going to go through this list and say the things I’ve done.

Been Married:
Been Divorced:
Fell in love: I think so
Gone on a blind date:
Skipped school: Mental health days with my mom
Been to Canada: For Christmas one year
Ridden in an ambulance:
Been to Hawaii: Yes! I loved it!
Been to Europe:
Been to Las Vegas:
Been to Washington D.C.: Twice, once to visit family and another to receive a medal
Been to Nashville:
Visited Florida: A couple times
Visited Mexico:
Seen the Grand Canyon in person:
Flown in a helicopter: In Hawaii
Been on a cruise: Yesssss, so much fun
Served on a jury:
Danced in the rain: Waltzed in the rain with a cute boy? Check!
Been to Los Angeles:
Been to New York City: So many times
Played in a band: School band, I played percussion
Sang karaoke: Of course
Laughed so much you cried: Yes
Laughed so hard you peed:
Caught a snowflake on your tongue: Yes! I love snow
Had children:
Had a pet: Kitty cats!
Been sledding on big hill: Tons of times
Been downhill skiing: Snowboarding count?
Been water skiing: Nearly drowned
Rode on a motorcycle:
Been on the Radio:
Traveled to all 50 states:
Jumped out of a plane:
Been to a drive-in: Yeah, not as cool as people think
Rode a Horse: Yes
Been on TV: A few times
Been in the newspaper: A few times
Stayed in the Hospital:
Donated blood:
Gotten a piercing: Two holes in my ears
Gotten a tattoo: Yes ❤ I love my tattoo
Been scuba diving:
Rode in the back of a police car: State Trooper after my mom and I were in a car wreck
Got a speeding ticket:
Broken a bone: Hahahahaha a few
Gotten stitches:
Traveled Alone: Not completely alone, but I didn’t know any of the people

You

You make me

Close my eyes

Tilt back my head

And let the laughter

Spill out of my mouth

You make my

Arms ache and

Tense with the need

To reach for you

To become one half

Of a whole

You make me

Listen to old songs

And feel the words

Like I’m hearing them

For the first time

You make me

Choreograph intricate

Ballroom dances

In the kitchen

My socks gliding

Against the hardwood

You make my

Fingertips tremor

Just centimeters from

Your lips

Pink and soft and

Kissing me and

You make me

Love the lazy

Ceiling fan ticking away

Above my head

Love the sun

When it pierces my eyes

As I try to look up

Into yours

Love the breaths

In between words

Love the silence

Love the sneaking

In hallways

In living rooms

In secret

Sneaking gentle

Touches, you against me

Us together

Painting each others’

Skin with red

You make me

Love the life

I resented

You make me

Grateful that each

Hardship lead to you

You make me

Happy with the simplicity

Of smiles, of closing my eyes

Tilting my head back

And letting the laughter

Spill out of my mouth

Most of all

You make me yours

 

-AcuteAnimosity

 

Haiku, Why Not?

It seems that the sun

Sees our love before we do

It shines on our bliss

 

Not sure why I wrote a haiku. I think some of the best poetry comes from when a writer limits things. Rules help writers push and push for the best of the best. When there is a block in the path of a writer, they will create something incredible to get around it. Some poets refuse to use certain words like love, heart, and soul. Some writers count syllables (like those who write haikus). Some writers make sure they have to rhyme. This doesn’t mean that something great can’t come out of a poem that has no rules. Actually, if you look at most my poetry, it looks like I give myself no rules. That would be wrong because I have a long list of unwritten rules, but none of my rules are obvious. Slam poetry and free verse seem to have no rules at all. Maybe they don’t. I think that the rules of slam poetry are unwritten though. They mostly deal with one’s performance and delivery of a poem though. Free verse is the most free (pun intended) I think. That might be why it gets such a bad reputation.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this. I was going to talk about the haiku I wrote, but like, ugh. I like this guy. Things ended so badly with Lewis that I don’t even want to talk about this guy because he likes me too, and it feels so fragile. It seems too perfect, and that usually leads to disaster. Therefore, I want to hold on to this innocent, ignorant feeling a little longer. I’m not even going to give him a name on here because I’m not going to talk about him. Enjoy my crappy haiku 🙂

-AcuteAnimosity

*Warning* Long Rant Ahead

Before I say anything let me say that I love my cousin Nyomi so much. She was my best childhood friend, and we spent every summer together. My cousin taught me a lot in life. She taught me which music was the best for 4am, she taught me how to move my window screen so I could climb on the roof and watch the sunrise, and she taught me to love reading. I have so many songs that I will always know every word to because we sat there and sang them on repeat together for hours. Some of my best memories as a kid are with her. Not to mention she understands me so well. We both have sickening anxiety, and so we can comfort one another.

While we both understand each other extremely well, we are 100% complete opposites. Nyomi is crazy smart, but she never tried in school. She failed grades because she just never did any home or class work. She prefered to drink and smoke. She lived with my family for 2 years (after being kicked out of her own house), and I hid her drinking and smoking and having boys over for her. She made me walk around the whole house with a febreeze can after she smoked so I could get rid of the smell. I got a ladder so her boyfriend could sneak out her bedroom window. Well 3 years ago she got pregnant. My gosh I love this little girl. Amanda is a beautiful little girl. She’s smart, she has such a personality, and she loves me so much. Whenever I babysit her, she is literally attached to me. She wants to do everything with me. When it’s nap time she lays down and watches Bubble Guppies. I put her in bed and she looks up at me and says “Watch tv with me please. Lay down with me please.” When I say I have to leave she says “5 more minutes, please stay, please.” It breaks my heart and I end up staying an hour later than I plan to.

She wants me to stay because her mom doesn’t. Nyomi doesn’t have custody of Amanda. My aunt and uncle have Amanda. The baby daddy? He went to jail a month before her 2nd birthday. He was released just in time to be in jail again by her 3rd. Nyomi? She’s living with some new boyfriend in a different town. Basically, Amanda’s whole family is one, big mess. She just turned 3 about 2 weeks ago.

Today I found out Nyomi is pregnant again.

She’s due in the end of March. My aunt and uncle always said that if Nyomi got pregnant again, they would not take care of the baby. One grandchild under their care is enough. No way in hell is Nyomi going to be able to take care of this kid. This new little baby isn’t even born yet and he or she is going to have a broken family, an extremely poor home (Nyomi is a hostess, she doesn’t make much and all she has is a  GED), and no shot of stay with his or her mother. This kid is going to be in foster care. Nyomi refuses to have an abortion or consider adoption. She thinks that since she couldn’t have Amanda, something is different with this baby. She thinks she can keep this baby. Somehow she thinks this baby will make everything better. Everyone else just feels sick to their stomachs.

I can’t stand that this little baby is going to be born into this situation. There isn’t anything at all I can do. I’m 17 and about to go to college. I can’t convince Nyomi not to have a kid. I can’t raise this kid. I can’t even give Nyomi money because I need college money and because she’d use it for drugs. There’s nothing I can do except feel upset. I still love my cousin, but I hate what she’s doing. I just pray that somehow everything works out. Don’t be surprised if I end up writing a rather angry and upset poem soon haha.

-AcuteAnimosity

How to Sculpt a Girl

Start with a glass smile

Because girls, like all people

Love to smile, and

Because eventually she’ll

Learn to make a mirror

Out of her mouth

So she can reflect

What others wish to see

Next weave her some hair

Any color, it doesn’t matter

She will end up dying it

Anyway Red when she needs

An escape, Blue when she’s in love

And Black when she wants to

Slip into the background

Of a life she never dreamed of

You’ll need to pluck

Two peach pits for eyes

Use over ripe ones

So the sweetness runs

In rivers when she cries

Paint on pupils that

Will be trained to look into

The pupils of a lover

With hope as green

As the buds of spring

Pushing up toward the sun

Shape her hips with

The picture of rolling hills

As reference, give her

The body of a hurricane

To house the heart of a

Gentle breeze beneath a

Dove’s wing, give her

Cheekbones higher than

Everest, legs as long as

The open road reaching for

The edge of the world,

And eyelashes as dainty as

A ballerina’s bones

Dust her skin with

Snowflakes and ice

So she will be a beautiful

Wall between the things

She says, the things she does,

And the things that never

Escape her mind

Let her spine curve slightly

So slightly that no one sees

She naturally gazes

Down at the floor

Wishing it would sink

Down into the earth

And carry her with it

Wrap your girl in

Cellophane tightly

So she is transparent

And waxen, this is not

So you will through her

She is ashen to give

Her the first canvas

To caress with color

To touch other

Faces with her brush

Once she’s perfected her art

Build your girl as placid

As you choose but know

She will turn around

And carve wings out

Of you, she will use

Her frail hands to

Dig out the strength

You kept from her,

She will leave you

You may have branded yourself

On her but she will soar away

Without a second thought

Because you assembled her shell

But she crafted her spirit

She made herself out of the

Hollow crucible you left her

Sculpt your girl to your desire

Just know you’ve set free a force

That no one can restrain

Here’s something a bit different. Just so you all know, I do have 3 drafts of new poems in the works, I just haven’t been able to get the words out. Just this poem took a couple of weeks. I’m glad to get something new out for you guys. I hope you enjoy it! I can definitely see myself performing this one, if only I had a place to share poetry haha. Until next time,

-AcuteAnimosity