Secondary

Secondary

Pressure builds in my head

Filling my mind up

Until it bursts

But I’ll never give it that chance

I will force it to fizzle

Out bit by bit

A war between those who

Wish to see me expload

And my own will to stay in control

Keep waiting and watching me

I will never let this stalemate cease

It’s not about winning anymore

It’s about shuffling my feet

Alongside every other android

Just existing for the purpose

Of making the quota

This many is enough

Non-playable characters in

Someone else’s game

Only here to be here

 

I’m not entirely sure why I wrote this. I’ve been feeling weird lately. Enjoy!

-AcuteAnimosity

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Consumption

Consumption

Carve her sides out with a spoon

And taste all she has to offer

Fill up on her sweetness

Until you become sick

Lick your plate clean of her

Devour her very being

Until there’s nothing left

Except bones and hair

Only then will you realize

It was more than her

Body that kept you coming

For seconds, but then

It’ll be too late

Then she’ll realize she’s

Meant for more than consumption

 

 

This is a poem I’ve had in my drafts for a couple months. I had it started, but didn’t know how to finish it. I think I could have gone further with the imagery before I went to the “meant for more” gush, but I like that it’s short. I think it’s better for people like me with short attention spans! I want to get right to the point. Anyway, I’m doing really really great. I think that my life update needs to be separate from this update so I will post that later on. Thanks for reading!

-AcuteAnimosity

Summer Camp!

Here are the answers I was hoping to get. I hope you enjoy!

  • Color wars: Didn’t happen?  We had a spirit competition between 4 “villages” which each had their own color. They competed to see who was most spirited.
  • Food: Actually really good, I ate well and healthy
  • Breaks: I got a break once a week. I would leave before at lunch and then come back the next day at lunch making 24 hours.
  • CPR training: Pretty boring, I’m good at it though, and it was easy to learn. I also became a lifeguard which was a little harder but we had in-service trainings throughout the whole summer which helped.
  • Other counselors/ co-workers: It’s a mix really. Some people have a big mask they put on as a counselor and are actually awful and some people are genuine.
  • Being an introverted counselor: Oh I so wore myself out. The breaks really helped though. I would drive for hours just to be alone. I survived.
  • Cabins: I slept surrounded by ten 12 year olds. That’s all I need to say here.
  • Activities: So many. I was the rock wall instructor (surprise, I am a belayer and can run a rockwall, high ropes course, and zip line which I think is bad ass). In addition we played games like Spy Hunters, Capture the Flag, Gold Rush, and lots of others. We had the archery, fishing, kayaking, canoeing, mountain biking, outdoor cooking, target sports, arts and crafts, dance, drama, movie makers, and stand up paddleboarding. In all honesty, rock wall was the coolest group of kids though. Rock wall family forever, tow team strong.
  • Learning how to teach said activities: Well my boss found out that I had rock wall experience and he sent me to a training to get certified in all the stuff I knew and so I stayed at the rock wall a lot. I occasionally lifeguarded kayaking and other water activities though.
  • Water sports: Kid suck at kayaking and I’m not patient. I would say just paddle and they would say that they didn’t know how. It was frustrating and I often towed kids back to shore.
  • Fire: Lots of fire. I can start a fire with wet wood in the wind at this point. So many lighters at camp too.
  • Being outside every single day: Not bad, I actually really miss being that active. I got pretty tan too.
  • Health: I literally lost 15 pounds in ten weeks. I have never in my life been so in shape. I’m not obese or anything, I just had some sweet jelly rolls, but not anymore. I’m still curvy and I guess one who is in with the slang might say “thick” but I feel really good about myself is the bottom line here. I am physically fitter than I ever have been. I’m stronger, I have better endurance, and I like being active now. I’ve actually started running in the morning because I miss all the activity.
  • Campers: Some of the campers I literally love and I genuinely miss. There are some campers that I will never forget because they were amazing. There are plenty of campers I will never forget because they made my life an actual, living hell.
  • Being a counselor: Not only was I a counselor, I was the cool counselor. It really boosted my confidence that campers really liked me a lot. Kids would cry and hug me because I had to leave. They also told me that I better come back next year, and I even convinced a few older campers (who were like 17) to be counselors next year because they thought I was awesome.
  • Drama: So much, too much to talk about. So many counselors hooking up and getting drunk and high and hating each other and cheating and just crazy stuff here. Like it was a great camp with great people, but so much entertaining drama. I lived for it, especially because none of it was about me!

 

So that was camp. If you have any questions please comment! I’d love to talk about it way more. Also if you ever need a wacky ice breaker or a repeat after me song, I only know 30 million. I am a repeat after me song and ice breaker master at this point. I have a black belt in being a camp counselor. I was good at my job, kids loved me and I got stuff done right the first time. I was even given a special shirt and recognition in front of the whole camp because I was good. It made me want to die all the time, but I really did love being a counselor.

 

-AcuteAnimosity

Attached

I remember this time last summer I thought I was in love with someone. Maybe it’s that I love Grease and have always wanted a summer love, but lately I’ve been spending my days letting guys down easily. I’ve had four guy friends tell me they want to be more than friends since I’ve come home from college. I was honestly shocked by each confession, and I let each guy know that I’m not looking for anything right now, especially because I’m going to work at a summer camp. However, one boy is starting to get under my skin.

I have been hopelessly crushing on a boy I met online for years. We would play online games for hours and hours together, and we’d flirt and laugh, and talk, and just be there for one another. Unfortunately I think he’s grown bored of me. I don’t think he’d wait for me to finish college to be together, and I don’t even think he thinks of me the same way I think of him. I wish he did, but to him I was just someone to pass the time. At the end of the day he’s far away from me, and it was just a crush. I only have memories now.

Nevertheless, my pathetic self is getting attached to a new online boy. It’s nothing romantic right now, but I just find myself wanting to talk to him all day long and getting disappointed when he is busy or doesn’t hold the conversation. I fear that I’m trying to make him into the online guy I was crushing on for so long, but he’s his own person. I have been trying to distance myself, but every night I message him and ask if he wants to play League of Legends or some other game. It’s sad, but I am like this. I get attached to people way too fast, and they get bored of me even faster.

Luckily I am leaving for camp soon, so I plan to annoy the crap outta him every day until I leave. Once I’m gone, I predict he’ll forget all about me honestly. Then I will be going back to college and won’t be so lonely because I’ll be back with my friends. So I’m going to let myself be as annoying and attached as I want to be until I leave for camp, and then it’s quitting cold turkey. I think it’ll all be okay, I shouldn’t be worried about this, I should be focusing on camp. Oh well.

Speaking of camp, let’s talk about that. It’s been awhile since I told you all my plan to write everything about camp, that plan is still in effect. Well I think that’s all for today.

-AcuteAnimosity

A Letter to the Girl who Writes Letters

Dear Girl Who Writes Letters,

For each demon you’ve written a letter. There’s one addressed to your father, to your first love, to your college roommate, even to yourself, but girl, who’s reading them? Certainly not your father who couldn’t be bothered to fully read his birthday card, or your college roommate who didn’t remember your name when you lived with her. Your first love doesn’t care, and neither do you. You write these letters without reading them. You melt bits of your heart to pour into this poetry and prose mixture, not because it’s healing you or because the people you write for read them. No, you write these, not for yourself, but for the girl who reads letters, or so you say. You say it’s so she doesn’t feel alone. You say it’s because she can’t write the words herself, but you’re lying.

Because girl who writes letters, I know what these letters do. These letters take you by the hand and twirl you ’round and ’round in the middle of the dance floor. With each like you feel a new puzzle piece connecting into your jigsaw soul. With each share you feel loved. These letters are for your shattered ego. Your self-esteem loves when you feed its flames by gaining new followers, and if your self-esteem is happy then so are you. Every girl who reads your letter is a fix. The rush of appreciation gets you high, and when you’re up there, beyond the clouds, you find your worth. I know that you’ve never felt worth much, or at least until your letter became the words of thousands of girls who read letters’ words too. Once you put the paragraphs into the mouths of thousands, you felt a new sense of self. You could be the voice of a generation of girls who read letters. You could be the voice you never had, but girl who writes letters, no one ever asked you to be the voice.

Girls who read letters are tired of each letter you publish, they are tired of having their pain be your ladder. Girls who read letters want you to know that you need to find your own way back above the clouds because they are tired of holding you up there on their broken backs. So here is a letter for you, it’s your turn to be the girl who reads letters.

Dear Girl Who Writes Letters

It’s time to put the pen down until you find your own voice. Stop speaking for others and take ownership of what you have to say. Write genuinely for your own self without pretending it’s for someone else. Be sincere, be selfish, be your own voice.

Sincerely,

Another Girl Who Needed Stopped Writing Letters

Nostalgia

So I found the only copy of the first poem I ever performed at a poetry slam. I decided that this gem needed to stay alive even if it is literal trash. This is the only place it is going to exist because I’m destroying the paper copy (it has water stains and dust). So here’s goes nothing and everything. Here is the first poem I ever thought was worth something (even though it is actual trash).

Sometimes

I see stars

In my eyes

Like lies

Concealing my thoughts

Hiding my soul

Clouding my mind

I need to find a way out

Back to earth

I’m stuck in space

Lost without a trace

I’m a simple piece of paper

All colored in

So you can’t see

The genius written on me

I won’t be recycled

Just thrown away

Lost

Without a cost

Pay up

ATM trip

Money won’t fix this

It’s me you’ll miss

Mousey Missy

Couldn’t get her to speak

She’d only squeak

Her message wasn’t weak

She tried and tried

To scream

The stars were in the way

Heavy like clay

Blocking the path to the lock

She had the key

But no one could see

They were blind

Wouldn’t give her the time

Just passed her by

She was too shy

To stand tall

To raise her voice

To give a fight

To spread the light

No one noticed her

Invisible powers

No off switch

There’s this itch

To leave the nest

To lead the rest

So that one day

They can join into one marching band

Stretching across each land

Playing in harmony

All happy

Smiling forever

That will be the day

That everyone’s together

That everyone’s okay

That everyone will stay

No more fights

No more loss

No more tears

No more fears

Just simple

Life

 

So now you can see why I don’t rhyme in my poetry, it isn’t because I hate rhyming, it’s because I suck at it! Gosh that was painful but sweet. Never forget where you come from.

Oh yeah, I finished my freshman year of college yesterday.

-AcuteAnimosity

Camp Counselor To Be

I’ve been swamped with work lately, but I have some news. I’m going to be a camp counselor this summer at a sleepaway camp. I’ll be gone for about nine weeks, not that it will affect this blog too much, I have definitely gone more than nine weeks without posting. However, I do want to write a lengthy post about being a camp counselor after the fact. I have been searching for articles about people who have been camp counselors, and most of the articles are from camps and written by the people in charge of the camp. I’m anonymous so this post would be non-camp sponsored, just me writing my experiences. I’m so excited to be out in the outdoors, to get inspiration, and to have fun! Maybe this experience will finally give me the ability to write another story! …. maybe, don’t quote me on that! I may still post before I leave, but I wanted to write out this idea before I forget it. I want to write a post that future people thinking of working at a sleepaway camp can read to help them make a decision. I think it’s important to note that I have been to a sleepaway camp one summer for about a week, but I have traveled on my own many times, and I don’t get homesick. So I have limited camp experience, but I have a lot of knowledge about outdoor activities. I’ve been camping my whole life, and I do many outdoor things such as kayaking, hiking, high ropes courses, and outdoor cooking. So, I do have quite a bit of outdoors knowledge, but I’ve been told by the camp that you don’t need experience to be a counselor, you just need an open mind! Some more background, I am going to primarily be a counselor of girls aged 13-16, but I may end up working with some of the younger girls if they need me to. Here are the things I want to hit in my article

  • Color wars, what the heck it is because I still don’t know
  • Food, as a vegetarian I can report on what it’s like to have diet restrictions at camp
  • Breaks! What breaks do I get? I can’t be working 24/7 for nine weeks!
  • CPR training, this whole process is intimidating so I will report on how it goes
  • Other counselors/ co-workers, is everyone as nice as they seem?
  • Being an introverted counselor, I’m terrified that I will wear myself out completely
  • Cabins! Everything from sleeping arrangements, bathrooms, and anything crazy that may happen relating to how one lives at camp
  • Activities, what do you do at camp?
  • Learning how to teach said activities, I still have no idea which activities I’ll be in charge of yet, I need to learn how to be in charge too!
  • Water sports, what is it like to lead 10 girls in a kayaking game of tag? Sounds terrifying, I will find out
  • Fire, what do they teach about fire safety, how to start a fire, how many fires do we actually have?
  • Being outside every single day
  • Health, the camp I’m working advertises that it will get counselors in shape, so what does that mean????
  • Campers! What is it like to be surrounded by kids that are dependent on you?
  • Being a counselor, I remember idolizing my camp counselors, will I be the idol this time?
  • Drama! Between campers, counselors, counselors and campers, everything! Because I’m anonymous I do not have to hold back, and will be 100% truthful of my experience.

Okay guys! That is my plan, I might add or drop things after actually having this experience. Thank you all so much for being a part of all my journeys! I love you all, and I support you guys too. Good luck on finals and for anyone in highschool, GO TO YOUR SENIOR PROM AND PICNIC. That is all 🙂

-AcuteAnimosity