Nostalgia

So I found the only copy of the first poem I ever performed at a poetry slam. I decided that this gem needed to stay alive even if it is literal trash. This is the only place it is going to exist because I’m destroying the paper copy (it has water stains and dust). So here’s goes nothing and everything. Here is the first poem I ever thought was worth something (even though it is actual trash).

Sometimes

I see stars

In my eyes

Like lies

Concealing my thoughts

Hiding my soul

Clouding my mind

I need to find a way out

Back to earth

I’m stuck in space

Lost without a trace

I’m a simple piece of paper

All colored in

So you can’t see

The genius written on me

I won’t be recycled

Just thrown away

Lost

Without a cost

Pay up

ATM trip

Money won’t fix this

It’s me you’ll miss

Mousey Missy

Couldn’t get her to speak

She’d only squeak

Her message wasn’t weak

She tried and tried

To scream

The stars were in the way

Heavy like clay

Blocking the path to the lock

She had the key

But no one could see

They were blind

Wouldn’t give her the time

Just passed her by

She was too shy

To stand tall

To raise her voice

To give a fight

To spread the light

No one noticed her

Invisible powers

No off switch

There’s this itch

To leave the nest

To lead the rest

So that one day

They can join into one marching band

Stretching across each land

Playing in harmony

All happy

Smiling forever

That will be the day

That everyone’s together

That everyone’s okay

That everyone will stay

No more fights

No more loss

No more tears

No more fears

Just simple

Life

 

So now you can see why I don’t rhyme in my poetry, it isn’t because I hate rhyming, it’s because I suck at it! Gosh that was painful but sweet. Never forget where you come from.

Oh yeah, I finished my freshman year of college yesterday.

-AcuteAnimosity

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Camp Counselor To Be

I’ve been swamped with work lately, but I have some news. I’m going to be a camp counselor this summer at a sleepaway camp. I’ll be gone for about nine weeks, not that it will affect this blog too much, I have definitely gone more than nine weeks without posting. However, I do want to write a lengthy post about being a camp counselor after the fact. I have been searching for articles about people who have been camp counselors, and most of the articles are from camps and written by the people in charge of the camp. I’m anonymous so this post would be non-camp sponsored, just me writing my experiences. I’m so excited to be out in the outdoors, to get inspiration, and to have fun! Maybe this experience will finally give me the ability to write another story! …. maybe, don’t quote me on that! I may still post before I leave, but I wanted to write out this idea before I forget it. I want to write a post that future people thinking of working at a sleepaway camp can read to help them make a decision. I think it’s important to note that I have been to a sleepaway camp one summer for about a week, but I have traveled on my own many times, and I don’t get homesick. So I have limited camp experience, but I have a lot of knowledge about outdoor activities. I’ve been camping my whole life, and I do many outdoor things such as kayaking, hiking, high ropes courses, and outdoor cooking. So, I do have quite a bit of outdoors knowledge, but I’ve been told by the camp that you don’t need experience to be a counselor, you just need an open mind! Some more background, I am going to primarily be a counselor of girls aged 13-16, but I may end up working with some of the younger girls if they need me to. Here are the things I want to hit in my article

  • Color wars, what the heck it is because I still don’t know
  • Food, as a vegetarian I can report on what it’s like to have diet restrictions at camp
  • Breaks! What breaks do I get? I can’t be working 24/7 for nine weeks!
  • CPR training, this whole process is intimidating so I will report on how it goes
  • Other counselors/ co-workers, is everyone as nice as they seem?
  • Being an introverted counselor, I’m terrified that I will wear myself out completely
  • Cabins! Everything from sleeping arrangements, bathrooms, and anything crazy that may happen relating to how one lives at camp
  • Activities, what do you do at camp?
  • Learning how to teach said activities, I still have no idea which activities I’ll be in charge of yet, I need to learn how to be in charge too!
  • Water sports, what is it like to lead 10 girls in a kayaking game of tag? Sounds terrifying, I will find out
  • Fire, what do they teach about fire safety, how to start a fire, how many fires do we actually have?
  • Being outside every single day
  • Health, the camp I’m working advertises that it will get counselors in shape, so what does that mean????
  • Campers! What is it like to be surrounded by kids that are dependent on you?
  • Being a counselor, I remember idolizing my camp counselors, will I be the idol this time?
  • Drama! Between campers, counselors, counselors and campers, everything! Because I’m anonymous I do not have to hold back, and will be 100% truthful of my experience.

Okay guys! That is my plan, I might add or drop things after actually having this experience. Thank you all so much for being a part of all my journeys! I love you all, and I support you guys too. Good luck on finals and for anyone in highschool, GO TO YOUR SENIOR PROM AND PICNIC. That is all ­čÖé

-AcuteAnimosity

Little Poem

Little Poem

Forget I offered to fix you; I’m not going to try anymore.

Stop wondering when you’ll see me; I’m not coming around anymore.

Don’t pretend to love me; I won’t feed your addiction anymore.

I’m done being yours; you were never mine anyway.

 

So I’ve been exploring this idea of grammatical restrictions on my poetry. All my poetry has some sort of limitation (for example, rhyme scheme, certain words I won’t use, flow, and things like that). I think it’s important to give yourself restrictions as a poet because then you have something to overcome. If you want to describe a feeling of sadness but can’t use the words “sad, depressed, upset” then you will find a more creative way to describe that feeling. It isn’t easy, but it makes for a much better end product. So for this poem each line needed to have a semi-colon. I’m not sure I’m done with this poem yet, but here is all it is for now. Enjoy!

-AcuteAnimosity

Stereotype

Here I am in Starbucks again. I’m really becoming the stereotypical college girl lately. Well, the show I was in has come and gone. My life is a little more back to normal, but I have the post-show blues. I miss the crazy rehearsals till 3am and being so close to people that you want to marry and kill them. There’s a whole in my life where that show should be. Nevertheless, there will be another show fall semester! So for now I need to relax (for a little while, I have finals soon). The biggest thing I need to update you guys on is well, there’s a boy.

Last time there was a boy I didn’t tell you guys, but this time I just am going to because why the heck not? I tried not talking about it last time, and that was disastrous. So raise your hand if you’ve ever heard of Yik Yak (haha did you really raise your hand?). I love Yik Yak. I think it’s so fun to talk to people you don’t really know, and anonymously post things (do you see the theme here? I just love anonymity haha). Yeah you have to watch out for ┬áthe sex posts, but it’s a good time on Yik Yak besides that. Well on the Yik Yak my college has, I’ve become the person who will comment on the sad posts. I will talk to sad people, and help them feel better and let them know they aren’t alone. Valentine’s Day was a mess on Yik Yak, there were so many sad people. I replied to one post about this guy just wanting someone to talk to, and we ended up talking all night. We found out that he’s a part of the hockey pep band, and I always sit with the hockey pep band because I have friends in it. So the next game we met one another. Fast forward a few awkward hockey games, and he asked me to get coffee with him one day. Fast forward several weeks of getting lots and lots of caffeine and finally we are at last weekend. He came to see the show I was in. We hugged for the first time. It felt really good. Then the last night of the show he came again and brought me flowers. Then he said something along the lines of “It’s been great getting coffee with you all the time, but um” and that but um made me want to cry. Me being me immediately thought that he wanted nothing to do with me. I was too weird and he was sick of me. This, of course, was ridiculous. The boy bought me a freaking bouquet of roses and went to two nights of my show. However, that’s just me, I am oblivious until you spell it out for me, which he did. He said “But um, I’d like to actually take you out on a date.” Being the idiot I am I said that I didn’t know first because I was blushing so hard and couldn’t form words, but then I said sure, which again is lame and I wish I at least said yes I’d love to or something else cool, calm, and collected. ┬áNevertheless, I said yes. I’m going on a date, which is crazy because even though i’ve had many a boyfriend, none of them have actually asked me out on a date. Usually they just ask me to be their girlfriend and that’s that.

I am crazy nervous. I hate eating in front of people I’m not comfortable around yet. I also hate hate hate eating out because I’m vegetarian, and it can be embarrassing to not be able to find anything on the menu to eat. I am hoping I can persuade him to go bowling. I suck at bowling, but at least that way I won’t get over or under dressed, and I won’t have to worry about eating. I would say we should go to the movies, but then you don’t get to talk. I’m not sure that I would want to be in a relationship right now, so I want to really talk to him a lot. That way I can make my mind up should he ever ask (or if I want to ask) for us to be a couple. I have the worst luck in relationships. I always end up dating people who are bad matches for me. Then I convince myself I’m in love with them and we stay together waaaayyyy longer than we should. So I am trying to take this slower than slow. I don’t want to be hurt or to hurt again. I know pain is sometimes unavoidable, but I don’t want to hurt him or for him to hurt me. I am trying my best I guess is all I can say.

Anyway, this isn’t a story or a poem, sorry. I am trying, but it’s been crazy crazy lately. I have so many ideas saved in my drafts, I just haven’t been able to write lately. I love you guys.

-AcuteAnimosity

Starbucks Update

I’m sitting here in Starbucks writing this, and I felt the need to write about this because I just came out of one of those strange deja vu moments again. I was sitting here reading some free book I’ve downloaded onto my Nook, and I just looked up wondering why I was sitting here. My mind was taken to a place where I was sitting at a desk in high school and reading rather than doing my work. I looked up, afraid that I was missing information that may be on a final, but instead of seeing a teacher I locked eyes with a random student. I had to remind ┬ámyself that I am indeed in college and I don’t have class until 4pm today. It was the oddest feeling. It felt like my chest was sinking and my mind was foggy. I don’t know what these moments mean, but they keep happening. I’m not exactly afraid of them, but this hasn’t happened to me before, The last time I made a big transition was middle school to high school and I don’t remember having these experiences quite as often or quite as intensely. That’s why I’m writing about these things.

Anyway, on to less freaky Friday things and on to more fun things. For instance, the Musical Theater Club show is really soon! I’m extremely excited and nervous. I also have to do some networking during this upcoming tech week. I have been seriously considering running for secretary of Musical Theater Club. It would be a huge, stressful job, but I think that I could do it and do it well. The jobs of the secretary are to make the rehearsal schedules each week, take minutes during the meetings, help run the meetings, help choreograph the audition dance, help decide who makes it into Musical Theater Club, help decide which musical numbers make it into the show, and create the bio board which is a board with all our bios that we hang in the lobby of the auditorium that we perform at. Plus the secretary helps Musical Theater Club run smoothly in general. It would be a ton of extra work, but I love this club so much. It’s honestly this club and my two best friends that made me love my college so much. I won’t get into how much I love my college because we’d be here all day, but this club is why. If I could be a part of the process of making this club as awesome as it is, that would be incredible. Now I’m still not actually sure I’ll run for secretary, if someone I really like and think could do the job at least as well as I could runs for the position, I won’t run. I respect my friends and want them to be happy and if that means giving up secretary, I can do that. Another concern of mine is that I’m only a freshman, and usually it’s sophomores who run for secretary and treasurer while juniors run for vp and president. However, from what I’ve heard only one sophomore wants to run at all, and I’m not sure what she’s running for. I don’t know if any juniors are running for secretary, but I don’t think they will. Most people want to be secretary or treasurer so they can be vp or president the next year, but a junior would be graduating and the year they are secretary or treasurer and so they couldn’t run for vp or president the next year. What makes me confident though is that one kid who ran for secretary last year promises to run again this year; he’s supposed to be a junior but he added a second major so he is taking an extra year to graduate. What about him running makes me confident you ask? He isn’t really well liked. He auditioned for the club three times before he got in, and every one has told me that if he runs I can’t vote for him. He’s really disorganized and only wants the title. Also, he’s just a jerk in general. If it’s him against me, I would win despite being so young. Anyway, that’s my train of thought. I’m still not sure I’ll even run honestly. Nevertheless, this tech week I’m going to ask people if they are running for anything, and hint that I’m interested in running for secretary. That’s how I’m networking.

What else is happening in my life recently? I haven’t worked on that story I keep promising, sorry. I’ve been busy with group projects. I am working on a poem though, so maybe I can post that soon. Other than that I’ve been playing video games and doing work. Oh yeah! I got a fitbit and now I’m obsessed with reaching my goal everyday because it feels like earning an achievement in a video game. Like I now leave even earlier for classes and clubs than I used to so that I can take the most annoying and long routes to get there. It’s actually really fun though. I love walking alone just listening to music and thinking. That’s about all I have to say for now, until next time!

-AcuteAnimosity

Dream

Lately I’ve been having a lot of deja vu, I’m talking at least once a day. I get this almost out of body experience where all I can think is “I’m in college.” Suddenly I’m near having a panic attack because I can’t remember life before college. Then I’ll think about some high school moment I had, and I’m back in body. This has happened before. When I went from elementary to middle school, from middle school to high school, and now from high school to college I have gotten this deja vu. I’m not sure deja vu is the right word. It’s an incredibly interesting process that I feel occurring right now. This life is becoming my new, normal life. It’s no longer new or an adjustment, this is just all I know. I’ve noticed the shift in others too. First semester everyone would mostly talk about their high school days, and now no one talks about high school or their home friends much at all. All we know is college now. It makes me wonder if this is some sort of mild stockholm syndrome. This was completely new to all of us freshmen, and now it’s old news. It’s fascinating really, and I wonder if other people are aware of this happening to them, or if I just overthink enough to feel this happening. I don’t plan on becoming a psychologist, but I often have questions like this about people. How do people adjust, and do they feel the process happening? Maybe I’m just a little insane which is a very likely possibility.

I’m not sure why I wrote this little thing. I know it’s not a story like I’ve been promising, I’m trying my best though. Well have a nice day!

-AcuteAnimosity

Bloody Good Thing To Do

Hey guys, so this is a little different than what I usually post. I am planning on giving blood tomorrow, and so I just wanted to talk about that a little. Typically when you talk about donating blood, everyone goes “Oh no I could never do that!” However, I want to clear up some things about giving blood, and with any luck I might convince some of you to strive for the gallon club.

The first thing people worry about is the needle. Yes, there will be a needle in your arm. If you’ve gotten a tattoo before, you can’t use the needle excuse anymore honey. Once you’ve voluntarily had a needle poke in and out in and out, you can more than handle giving blood. That’s what got me to donate, after I got my tattoo, I realized I had no excuse to be afraid of vaccines or giving blood. If you don’t have a tattoo, and you’re afraid of needles, think about saving lives. Your blood will save someone’s life. In fact, one pint can save up to three people. Maybe you’ll help someone’s child, someone’s mom, teacher, grandparent, spouse, no matter what you will be saving a fellow human being. Real people depend on blood from donors. What if one day you need blood? If my little think of others speech didn’t make you feel anything, well you might want to check your moral compass. Seriously if you need a selfish reason to give blood, if you sign up at the right times you can get giftcards to places, some places have a point system to get free stuff, if nothing else you get cookies at the end.

Okay, let me tell you a little bit about the process. You will wait a little and they will convince you to drink an entire bottle of water. You will go into a little closed off area with a nurse and answer some questions. Then she will take your temperature, pulse, and iron levels. Yes, the iron level test is a little needle. Girls, you go through this every time you’re at the doctors, you can do this. Boys, it’s a little prick, it really doesn’t even hurt, you’ll be fine. Next, if you’ve passed all the tests, they will bring you to a cot. They will put a band around your arm and find a vein. You will be given a stress ball to squeeze. Then you will lay down, and they’ll put the needle in. Yes, it’s a little freaky, but it only hurts for half a second before you don’t even feel it anymore. You will have to squeeze the stress ball every 10 seconds will giving blood. When they’ve got a pint they’ll tell you to stop squeezing, and they’ll take out the needle. You’ll hold a piece of gauze to your arm and stay laying down for a while. Lastly, you’ll go to the area with food and drinks to wait ten minutes before you can go home. That’s it.

Now, if you still are squeamish and don’t want to donate, I’m a little 5’3 girl who faints after every time I give blood. I walk into that donation room, knowing I’m going to faint. Giving blood is a whole day event for me. I FAINT AND I STILL DO IT. Don’t let a little, shy, jumpy girl be more badass and cool than you. I’m scared of spiders, the ocean, cities, crowded spaces, people I don’t know, I’m scared of a lot. Don’t be more of a fraidy cat than me. Do a bloody good thing by giving blood. You can really help people. Also, most people don’t faint. It’s rare that I faint, and nurses are often very surprised that I faint. More than likely, you will not faint, especially if you prepare by getting tons of iron and drinking tons of water. Go donate blood and join the gallon club! It’s more than worth it!

-AcuteAnimosity