Dream

Lately I’ve been having a lot of deja vu, I’m talking at least once a day. I get this almost out of body experience where all I can think is “I’m in college.” Suddenly I’m near having a panic attack because I can’t remember life before college. Then I’ll think about some high school moment I had, and I’m back in body. This has happened before. When I went from elementary to middle school, from middle school to high school, and now from high school to college I have gotten this deja vu. I’m not sure deja vu is the right word. It’s an incredibly interesting process that I feel occurring right now. This life is becoming my new, normal life. It’s no longer new or an adjustment, this is just all I know. I’ve noticed the shift in others too. First semester everyone would mostly talk about their high school days, and now no one talks about high school or their home friends much at all. All we know is college now. It makes me wonder if this is some sort of mild stockholm syndrome. This was completely new to all of us freshmen, and now it’s old news. It’s fascinating really, and I wonder if other people are aware of this happening to them, or if I just overthink enough to feel this happening. I don’t plan on becoming a psychologist, but I often have questions like this about people. How do people adjust, and do they feel the process happening? Maybe I’m just a little insane which is a very likely possibility.

I’m not sure why I wrote this little thing. I know it’s not a story like I’ve been promising, I’m trying my best though. Well have a nice day!

-AcuteAnimosity

Bloody Good Thing To Do

Hey guys, so this is a little different than what I usually post. I am planning on giving blood tomorrow, and so I just wanted to talk about that a little. Typically when you talk about donating blood, everyone goes “Oh no I could never do that!” However, I want to clear up some things about giving blood, and with any luck I might convince some of you to strive for the gallon club.

The first thing people worry about is the needle. Yes, there will be a needle in your arm. If you’ve gotten a tattoo before, you can’t use the needle excuse anymore honey. Once you’ve voluntarily had a needle poke in and out in and out, you can more than handle giving blood. That’s what got me to donate, after I got my tattoo, I realized I had no excuse to be afraid of vaccines or giving blood. If you don’t have a tattoo, and you’re afraid of needles, think about saving lives. Your blood will save someone’s life. In fact, one pint can save up to three people. Maybe you’ll help someone’s child, someone’s mom, teacher, grandparent, spouse, no matter what you will be saving a fellow human being. Real people depend on blood from donors. What if one day you need blood? If my little think of others speech didn’t make you feel anything, well you might want to check your moral compass. Seriously if you need a selfish reason to give blood, if you sign up at the right times you can get giftcards to places, some places have a point system to get free stuff, if nothing else you get cookies at the end.

Okay, let me tell you a little bit about the process. You will wait a little and they will convince you to drink an entire bottle of water. You will go into a little closed off area with a nurse and answer some questions. Then she will take your temperature, pulse, and iron levels. Yes, the iron level test is a little needle. Girls, you go through this every time you’re at the doctors, you can do this. Boys, it’s a little prick, it really doesn’t even hurt, you’ll be fine. Next, if you’ve passed all the tests, they will bring you to a cot. They will put a band around your arm and find a vein. You will be given a stress ball to squeeze. Then you will lay down, and they’ll put the needle in. Yes, it’s a little freaky, but it only hurts for half a second before you don’t even feel it anymore. You will have to squeeze the stress ball every 10 seconds will giving blood. When they’ve got a pint they’ll tell you to stop squeezing, and they’ll take out the needle. You’ll hold a piece of gauze to your arm and stay laying down for a while. Lastly, you’ll go to the area with food and drinks to wait ten minutes before you can go home. That’s it.

Now, if you still are squeamish and don’t want to donate, I’m a little 5’3 girl who faints after every time I give blood. I walk into that donation room, knowing I’m going to faint. Giving blood is a whole day event for me. I FAINT AND I STILL DO IT. Don’t let a little, shy, jumpy girl be more badass and cool than you. I’m scared of spiders, the ocean, cities, crowded spaces, people I don’t know, I’m scared of a lot. Don’t be more of a fraidy cat than me. Do a bloody good thing by giving blood. You can really help people. Also, most people don’t faint. It’s rare that I faint, and nurses are often very surprised that I faint. More than likely, you will not faint, especially if you prepare by getting tons of iron and drinking tons of water. Go donate blood and join the gallon club! It’s more than worth it!

-AcuteAnimosity

Minecraft Nerd

A lot has been going on lately with that start of second semester, and I thought I should update you all! So in this post I am going to talk about my roommate, the new server I’m on, and general things going on around campus.

To start us off, let’s talk about the lovely Peggy. I saved her life…. from a stinkbug. Basically, I told her that if she keeps the window open, we will get stink bugs in our room. She didn’t believe me and kept the window open. It actually caused me to get sick; I’m still sick. However, karma always gets her two cents. One night, I turned off our light and intended to go to sleep, but I have a bladder the size of a kitten’s so I had to use the bathroom. I got up and turned on the light when suddenly Peggy screamed. This girl flew out of her bed. I mean she launched herself over the edge and screamed. There was a stink bug in her bed. I got a cup, trapped the little guy, and let him go into the trash room because it smells bad enough in there that if he got crushed his smell couldn’t make it any worse. Since that day, four days ago, Peggy has not touched the window. Moral of the story, I can finally go to sleep without having to wear a winter coat. Let’s move on!

I’ve joined a new minecraft server (yes, I know I’m an extreme nerd). As much as I loved the old one, it was literally dead. I still talk to Danny, but he’s been streaming on twitch lately (videos of him playing League of Legends, he’s platinum so it’s actually entertaining to watch). Therefore, I don’t play with him as often because who wants to watch a non ranked player ruin a platinum player’s game? It makes me a little sad, but at least I still talk to him. Anyway, I managed to join this server on its second day of release. That basically means that this server is still recruiting staff and working out its kinks. In the few weeks that it’s been active, it’s gone through a bunch of new players, new staff, changes, and as of yesterday a new owner. The kid who owned the server was having trouble managing a server on top of his schoolwork and social life, so he found a new server owner. I think it’s a good move. The new owner seems like a really great guy, and he actually plays the game and gets to know his players and their opinions. The last server I was on had an owner who never actually played. He would come on and code some new things and then leave. This new owner is already one of the most active players before he even became the owner. He listens to people, and from the ideas he’s already given, I think the server can only get better from here.

The people on the server are all really really interesting. It just so happens that I am the only girl on the entire server. It makes sense because the server is a hero/war server and most girls gravitate toward towny servers. As the only girl on the server, I get shipped a lot. It’s all joking, but it gets annoying. I try to be funny about it and just threaten to “murder them with death,” nevertheless I sometimes wish people would quit it a little. There are so many other, more clever ways to make fun of me. Honestly, these people need to step up their game. Just hitting my gender is too simple really. In all reality, I really like the guys on this server. For the most part they seem like pretty good people who are funny, good at video games, and pretend to be all tough and whatnot, but they’re sweet haha. So, I try to be really anonymous on this blog, but this server deserves this. I can’t really call this “pimping out the server” because I have very few followers, but I’m going to give the server ip anyway. If even one person joins because of this blog, that would be incredible. This server truly is amazing (even now when it’s still being fixed up) and you should join if you like minecraft! Play.Eternumrpg.net is the server ip if you’d like to come join this wonderful server!

Okay, lastly some updates on college. My anthro teacher is boring, My friends are great. I do nothing but go to rehearsal and do homework. Okay that’s all I’ve got honestly. Until next time!

-AcuteAnimosity

Red

My bed sheets are purple. My lamp is teal. My backpack is black. My pen is blue. My hair is blonde. My shoes are gray. My ring is silver. My eyes are green. My pajamas are pink. My hair tie is brown. I am a colorful person. There are, however, two colors that are noticeably missing in my life. I have almost no red or yellow in my life. What is weird about this is that yellow is my least favorite color, but red is my favorite color. I thought of this today when I made a vow in my education class to never grade using red pen. I noticed that not only do I avoid yellow things, I avoid red things too. It got me thinking about why red is even my favorite color. I don’t wear red clothes, I don’t use red pen, I barely have anything red at all. I thought about it though, and I know why I love red so much.

I am not a red person. Usually people assume people who love red are always angry and assertive or passionate and confident. Red demands attention. Red captures your eye. Red is sexy. Red is unforgiving. Red is a leader. Red is pain. Red is intensity. I am not like red.I am calm like blue. I am quiet like gray. I am sweet like silver. I am soft like purple. I am fun like pink. I am wise like green. I’m even cheerful like yellow, but I am not fierce like red. Red is, sometimes, who I wish I could be. I wish I could command a room like red. I will never be alluring or dangerous like red. I am just not a red girl, but I can appreciate the beauty behind people with red personalities. I can also see the drawbacks. I know first hand the temper, betrayal, and defiance that comes with red. Maybe this whole post makes very little sense to you. However, to me, colors have personalities. Colors are next to alive. They are complex and shifting, and they can communicate better than words sometimes. Colors are also confusing. My favorite color is red, but I am not red.

So this post was weird. Nevertheless, I am pretty sure that my next post will be a giant update. I think it’s important that you guys see who I am in order to better understand my writing. Also, I’m just stalling having to write my next story 😉 Sorry guys!

-AcuteAnimosity

Let’s Talk About Underwear

Hi guys! Let me quickly update you. I had a single room first semester because I am on substance free floor, and not enough people want to be on substance free floor so I got lucky. This semester I got Peggy. Peggy is my new roommate. She had issues with her old roommate, and was placed with me. Peggy has the best intentions. She is a super sweet girl, who really tries to be nice. Peggy is also a nightmare. The day she moved in, she moved all my stuff so that she could have 75% of the room. While she was moving in, if I told her I didn’t want to move something that I owned she would say “Oh don’t worry, I’ll help you move it!” Everything I own is either in my desk, under my bed, or in my closet. Meanwhile, dearest Peggy has under her bed, any free space, her closet, and her desk. That doesn’t sound like much, but I mean she has filled any free spot with stuff. This girl has more stuff than anyone I know. She had a clear box (the kind you use for Christmas decorations) and I asked what was in the box. She said it was her “extra stuff in case she runs out of anything.” She has three of those huge boxes filled with extra stuff. She has two extra standing organizers filled with clothes, a full closet, an overflowing dresser, and the top of her desk has so much stuff on it that she can’t fit her laptop on it to do work. Darling Peggy also likes to keep the room cold.  I mean so cold that I wear my winter coat to bed along with fuzzy socks and four blankets. When I close the window, she opens it for “a little air circulation, it won’t even get cold.” I literally shiver in my own room. She also broke the lock on our door because she didn’t want to have to take her keys to the bathroom. She didn’t even tell me she broke it. I just came back to an unlocked door. Then she told me that I broke the lock. Well dear Peggy, it was locked and working when I had left for the day and it was broken when I came back. So she is a little selfish in this way. She doesn’t mean to take up all the space or freeze me or break our door or have a million things, but she does. She just doesn’t think about others because her comfort comes first.

When it came to the door issue, I politely asked her to just keep the door locked. She said that she doesn’t want to bring her key to the bathroom. I finally had to tell her that I have PTSD and if she doesn’t keep the door locked, I will be having constant panic attacks. Finally that got her to just take her stupid key to the bathroom. She’s pretty airheaded too. So when she broke our door she emailed the person who fixes it and asked if they could come. That person asked her what time she would be in her room on Monday and Peggy said 2:30. Peggy didn’t tell me any of that. 2:30 on Monday rolled around and I was alone in the dorm when some guy knocked on our door. When I asked Peggy if he knew he was coming she said “I had no clue, they just asked me what time I would be back on Monday.” Obviously the guy was coming Monday, some time after 2:30, but Paige went out to eat and didn’t tell me he was coming. It’s a good thing I was there or he wouldn’t have been able to fix our room because one of us has to present when they work on the dorms. This also happened when she broke her dresser.

The last thing about Peggy is that she is well, no sugar coating this, extremely disgusting. Don’t believe me? Ask the three half-full bottles of milk that are spoiled and sitting on top of her desk right behind me. Still don’t believe? Ask the pile of DIRTY, USED PANTIES SITTING ON TOP OF HER DRESSER RIGHT NEXT TO MY DESK. She has a dirty clothes hamper. She uses it for everything but underwear and dirty socks. If case you were wondering, Peggy likes lacy thongs in pink and purple. Oddly enough we both have the same purple lace thong 😉 . I WISH THAT I DIDN’T KNOW THAT BUT I DO BECAUSE IT IS DIRECTLY TO MY LEFT ON TOP OF A PILE OF USED THONGS. It is strange though because I only have one thong, I’m more of a boy-shorts with cute sayings on the butt kind of girl if you know what I mean 😉 . Just in general Peggy has crap everywhere. She has clothes, food, dirty dishes, and books everywhere.

She has the best intentions, she really does. Nevertheless, it’s slowly killing me. I am just counting the days until I can move in with my friend Melody. Melody, Madison, Jenny, and I are getting a suite next year, and I so can’t wait. Before any of you mention Mandy and say “Do you wish you let her move into your room?” Heeeeeeeccccckkkkk nooooooooooo. Peggy isn’t a friend so I have nothing to lose with her. She’s just a girl that one day all I’ll do is wave to her when she passes by. Such is life. Until next time! (I’m working on that story, I promise).

-AcuteAnimosity

The Importance of Silence

Who are you talking to right now? Are you on the phone with your mom? Maybe you’re texting your best friend. I can tell you I’m currently on discord with a bunch of online friends, and I’m messaging a friend on Facebook. It’s possible that you aren’t talking to anyone right now, but think about how often that happens. Usually there’s children or a spouse at home you talk to or a phone buzzing with messages from your boyfriend or friends. Recently I accidentally started a bit of an experiment. I no longer talk to someone everyday. This was by accident because poem guy and I are on the outs. We no longer talk everyday, every second of the day. Since this has happened I’ve gone through a range of feelings. At first I feel really disconnected. It was disorientating, and I felt really confused. I felt like I had to have my phone in my hand, and I started talking to people. I texted people I haven’t talked to in a while, but  conversations didn’t last long enough to feel normal. That’s when I realized that this was ridiculous. I should be able to sit alone for a couple hours without talking to anyone. I used to sit at home for hours and read book after book when I was a kid who didn’t have a phone. I should be able to sit and practice my juggling or knitting for an hour or two without feeling panicked because I have no one to talk to at the moment. Since I’ve started to enjoy my quiet time more, I’ve felt happier. I don’t feel the need to be texting someone at all times of the day. Instead I read, I knit, I juggle, I get homework done, and I just relax. I think that it’s beneficial to be alone sometimes. When you’re always talking to someone, you forget what it’s like to just worry about yourself for a moment or two. I challenge you to try it. Don’t talk to anyone for an hour or two a day, and during that time do something that makes you happy. Read a book, take a walk, write, or be productive. Set aside time to recharge and be alone. You’ll be glad you did.

Okay okay, here’s what you all really want. I am in the very beginning of the writing progress for a new story. By that I mean I have pictures. I see a blushing bride in head to toe lace and I also see a girl with a sword and an attitude. Two very different girls. As I write this, I’m thinking about how perfect it might be to combine their stories… Maybe. I am just in the conceptual stage of this short story, so don’t get too excited. On the poetry side of things, I’ve got exactly nothing. I’m much better at writing poetry after something terrible happens to me, so if you’re here for the poetry, sorry! Although, the majority of my followers joined after I posted my first or second shot story. That gives me the suspicion that you all are waiting for another. I’m working on it! Well, I have rehearsal so I will try to write soon (maybe I’ll even post that story next, probably not though).

-AcuteAnimosity

Short Little Poem

A Mid-Autumn Afternoon’s Dream

She doesn’t think outside the box

She merely peers out of

It’s windows

Not exactly walking on the

Cement pathway, but

Cutting corners here and there

Not often, just enough to feel

The grass through her toes

And to be seen on the

Other side of life

The side that breathes in

Liquid light and

Breathes out solid life

The side that perpetually lives

In that one inevitable

Flawless autumn morning

The leaves on fire, but still

Loosely hanging from their branch

A lithe wind cascading

Through girls’ hair

Tangible magic laced

Into the atmosphere

Like the ribbons of a ballet shoe

Crawling up a dancer’s legs

 

So I’ve been working on this poem for months, and I had a lot more to it. Nevertheless, after obsessing about finishing it, I realized it was already done. I don’t offer many explanations for my poems, but because this one is so short I’ll offer up a little about what was going on in my mind as I wrote it. For this poem I had two ideas that melted together. I had a line in my head “She breathes in light and breathes out life” which I added more detail to in this piece. I think I might still use the line in another, simpler poem. I also had this picture of a girl walking on a sidewalk but cutting the corners of the sidewalk at each turn so she could walk in the grass and feel connected to the earth. I had the idea to go further into this poem and talk about layering filters over life like an instagram photo until it looks perfect. However, I had created such a beautiful fall morning that it felt more like a saccharine dream rather than a false world that I could deconstruct. So that’s all this poem is, a dream. That’s where I came up with the title which is obviously a play off Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Yes, this is my second post of today. I have decided that without a person in my life that I need to be texting 24/7 I have more time to finish things. I am going through and clearing up my saved drafts on here. There may be more posts tonight or soon. See you later lovelies!

-AcuteAnimosity