Attached

I remember this time last summer I thought I was in love with someone. Maybe it’s that I love Grease and have always wanted a summer love, but lately I’ve been spending my days letting guys down easily. I’ve had four guy friends tell me they want to be more than friends since I’ve come home from college. I was honestly shocked by each confession, and I let each guy know that I’m not looking for anything right now, especially because I’m going to work at a summer camp. However, one boy is starting to get under my skin.

I have been hopelessly crushing on a boy I met online for years. We would play online games for hours and hours together, and we’d flirt and laugh, and talk, and just be there for one another. Unfortunately I think he’s grown bored of me. I don’t think he’d wait for me to finish college to be together, and I don’t even think he thinks of me the same way I think of him. I wish he did, but to him I was just someone to pass the time. At the end of the day he’s far away from me, and it was just a crush. I only have memories now.

Nevertheless, my pathetic self is getting attached to a new online boy. It’s nothing romantic right now, but I just find myself wanting to talk to him all day long and getting disappointed when he is busy or doesn’t hold the conversation. I fear that I’m trying to make him into the online guy I was crushing on for so long, but he’s his own person. I have been trying to distance myself, but every night I message him and ask if he wants to play League of Legends or some other game. It’s sad, but I am like this. I get attached to people way too fast, and they get bored of me even faster.

Luckily I am leaving for camp soon, so I plan to annoy the crap outta him every day until I leave. Once I’m gone, I predict he’ll forget all about me honestly. Then I will be going back to college and won’t be so lonely because I’ll be back with my friends. So I’m going to let myself be as annoying and attached as I want to be until I leave for camp, and then it’s quitting cold turkey. I think it’ll all be okay, I shouldn’t be worried about this, I should be focusing on camp. Oh well.

Speaking of camp, let’s talk about that. It’s been awhile since I told you all my plan to write everything about camp, that plan is still in effect. Well I think that’s all for today.

-AcuteAnimosity

Advertisements

A Letter to the Girl who Writes Letters

Dear Girl Who Writes Letters,

For each demon you’ve written a letter. There’s one addressed to your father, to your first love, to your college roommate, even to yourself, but girl, who’s reading them? Certainly not your father who couldn’t be bothered to fully read his birthday card, or your college roommate who didn’t remember your name when you lived with her. Your first love doesn’t care, and neither do you. You write these letters without reading them. You melt bits of your heart to pour into this poetry and prose mixture, not because it’s healing you or because the people you write for read them. No, you write these, not for yourself, but for the girl who reads letters, or so you say. You say it’s so she doesn’t feel alone. You say it’s because she can’t write the words herself, but you’re lying.

Because girl who writes letters, I know what these letters do. These letters take you by the hand and twirl you ’round and ’round in the middle of the dance floor. With each like you feel a new puzzle piece connecting into your jigsaw soul. With each share you feel loved. These letters are for your shattered ego. Your self-esteem loves when you feed its flames by gaining new followers, and if your self-esteem is happy then so are you. Every girl who reads your letter is a fix. The rush of appreciation gets you high, and when you’re up there, beyond the clouds, you find your worth. I know that you’ve never felt worth much, or at least until your letter became the words of thousands of girls who read letters’ words too. Once you put the paragraphs into the mouths of thousands, you felt a new sense of self. You could be the voice of a generation of girls who read letters. You could be the voice you never had, but girl who writes letters, no one ever asked you to be the voice.

Girls who read letters are tired of each letter you publish, they are tired of having their pain be your ladder. Girls who read letters want you to know that you need to find your own way back above the clouds because they are tired of holding you up there on their broken backs. So here is a letter for you, it’s your turn to be the girl who reads letters.

Dear Girl Who Writes Letters

It’s time to put the pen down until you find your own voice. Stop speaking for others and take ownership of what you have to say. Write genuinely for your own self without pretending it’s for someone else. Be sincere, be selfish, be your own voice.

Sincerely,

Another Girl Who Needed Stopped Writing Letters